So, to start off, my grandmother is an extremely Christian lady. She constantly puts her opinions on others, openly discourages and does not condone homosexuality (little does she know, the same lips I give her smooches with are the same ones I went down on my girlfriends with), and is extremely judgmental of anything non-Christian.

A couple of weeks ago I was helping her unpack her stuff (she had moved into a nearby senior citizen community so she could be closer to me and my mom), when we decided to start jamming out to older music. She suddenly stops and turns to me, obviously thinking about something.

I ask her what, and she tells me that she can’t remember a singer’s name. I ask her what she remembers, and she replies that she only remembers his first name: Johnny. For absolutely no reason at all, I blurt:

“JOHNNY SINS!”

The moment I said it, the moment I knew I fricked up. I felt my smile quickly drain off of my face as I watched her pick up her IPad to search up Johnny Sins. She is instantly bombarded with porno videos starring the one and only, Johnny Sins.

I could literally feel my face burning red as she exited the search and began yelling at me, asking why I knew of this ‘unholy, deviant man’. She told my mother (who thankfully wasn’t mad, but laughed at me), and sent me about 6 bible verses about lust, desire, and getting rid of sin. Sorry, Mimi.

TLDR: Grandma asked about artist named Johnny, for some reason I blurred Johnny Sins. Finds out who Johnny Sins is, then proceeds to beat me with the words of the Lord.