So this didn’t happen today. It happened in 2008. I didn’t know where else to put it but my family constantly brings it up at family gatherings and I think it’s hilarious. So enjoy the ride

So when I was about 4 my family had gotten together for my grandmas birthday. It was my family, my uncle and his family and my aunt and her family, we were at a restaurant and I decided I had to go to the bathroom. My dad told my cousin who wasn’t more than 8 at the time to take me. When we got to the bathroom my cousin decided to stand outside and wait for me. At the time I thought I had to pee but I was very wrong. So I walk up to the urinal and pull my pants down around my ankles as most 4 year olds do and I started peeing. Turns out I pushed a little too hard and pooped on the floor. I didn’t think anything of it so I decided to move to the next urinal. What I didn’t expect was that I was still pooping as I was walking leaving bread crumbs of shit to lead me back home. When I realize this I decided I needed to go to a stall.

So with my pants still around my ankles still pooping as I walked, I made my way to the first stall. When I got in the stall I decided i should go to the second stall for some reason so I walked out of the stall and walked to the second continuing to shit everywhere. Once I made it to the last stall I sat down and didn’t need to poop any more. My cousin walked in to see what was taking so long and saw the horrors that laid on the floor. He walked out to go get my dad. When he got my the table he was white as a ghost. He looked at my dad and with a scared face he said “uncle chet, something bad happened” my dad and uncle hear this and think I died or something so they run to the bathroom and when they open the door they saw me and the mess I had made.

My dad turned to my uncle and told him to tell my mom to go to the target down the road and buy all new clothes. As my dad was trying to clean me up my mom was at good will trying to figure out what happened cause nobody had told her anything. She called my dad to see if they could save the shoes or anything. My dad said no and we should Throw everything away. My mom realized what had happened and busted out laughing and couldn’t stop for about 5 minutes. Back in the restaurant bathroom my dad was trying to clean me up as these to kids walked in and looked around and with a shocked face said “who dookied everywhere”. My dad the hero he is looked at them and said “I did”. So my mom got the clothes we threw my clothes away. We left and I have never been back to any restaurant in that chain
TL;DR I shit up a bathroom as a child and had to throw away my clothes