First and foremost, I am not happy with my actions and i am disappointed in myself for what transpired almost an hour ago.

I (23m) got a call from my cousin (24m) and he asked if i could drive him around as he had a few drinks and wanted to spend time with me. I didn't mind one bit. I don't so much all day as is because life isn't great for me right now. But as long as gas was put in my car i was all for it. So he asked two of his friends, one of them being his girlfriend, to put in gas for the vehicle.

Thankfully both his friend and girlfriend put gas in, which im grateful for. They were all pretty hammered, and i was the DD. We were driving down a valley road when a rock song started playing from my phones playlist and my cousin's girlfriend (22f) started complaining about the music that was being played and threatened to leave the car the next time we stopped.

Now please understand, as I don't mind whatever anyone listens to. I primarily listen to all the old school rock/metal/grunge music as its the taste of music i grew up with due to my dad and auntie. And i enjoy listening to everyone else's taste in music because sometimes i hear things that inspire me.

Upon hearing my cousin's girlfriend yell out she didn't want to listen to my kind of music, i told her that i disagree. I'm relatively a well reserved person, mostly introverted but i like to hang out with my close friends and family often. Normally, I'm really laid back and have a go with the flow type attitude. I will say though, when there is something I dont agree with or dont like something i make it known.

She didn't say much after i made it known that i disagree with her statement and that i will play whatever kind of music i want to in my own car. I'm not going to lie, just that short exchange of words made me pretty angry. After that i just stayed quiet then pulled over to pee on the side of the road and got out. My cousin also got out but as soon as he did i grabbed him really hard by his shirt and yelled at him saying that if his girlfriend speaks to me like that one more time i will kick her out of the car then pushed pretty hard walked away. When that was over and I got back to driving all i could feel was regret and guilt.

It hurts to know that i put my hands on my own family. I didn't mean to and i let my emotions take over me. I've never laid a hand on my family members before then. I feel even more terrible because he was drunk and really put force into those grabs and shoves. I dropped everyone off and apologized to him. He said he forgives me and understands that I'm hurting inside.

Thats what hurt me the most. Hearing my cousin tell me he knows I'm hurting inside when i thought i masked it pretty well. He said its no hard feelings and that hes sorry his girlfriend starting yelling in the car like that. Currently, im still torn up inside about what i did to my own cousin. And will never let myself lay hands on my kin again.

TL;DR: i pushed my drunk cousin because his girlfriend yelled in my ear complaining about my music