This was two months ago but adding now to see what reddit has to say as I’m still struggling. I have been married for just over two years. For the last 6 months or so my wife has been drinking heavily. Like taking shot after shot of vodka as soon as she gets home from work until she is wasted. She has done this every night for months. She can drink more than me but she weighs ~110lbs and I’m at 205lb. It’s not uncommon for her to drink half to two thirds of a bottle of whiskey or vodka in one evening. On her days off she will start drinking by 10am and be passed out by 3-4pm. I have asked her to stop, and she would say she’s trying but her pattern had not changed.

For about a week prior to the night of this post she had been saying that I am not attracted to her and how come I never wanted to have sex anymore. I told her because she’s wasted all the time and I’m not attracted to someone who is constantly drunk. We had the same argument every night for at least a week. Partially I think because she couldn’t remember us arguing about it the previous night and she would get wasted again and the argument would repeat itself.

One night two months ago I got home from work around 7pm and when I walked in the house she was on the phone. I could already tell she was hammered (swaying, slurring words etc) When I came in she looked startled and said “I have to go” and hung up the phone. I asked who she was talking to and she said a guy from her work. I asked why she looked so guilty, she said she was just talking to him but got felt guilty when I got home so she hung up. I got mad and started arguing with her. She said why can’t she think another guy is attractive and there’s nothing wrong with that. I said the issue was that she’s calling him and flirting with him and she’s my wife. I was angry and told her that I was over it and I was leaving. I packed a bag real quick and left. While leaving she kept saying I don’t want you to go and grabbed my wrist to try to keep me from leaving. I pulled away and left the house.

I was driving around just trying to calm down thinking about what to do/where to go. I really didn’t want to go home and deal with her being wasted and arguing all night. I eventually booked a hotel not too far away and figured I’d crash the night there and hopefully me leaving would make her change her behavior.

Shortly after checking into my hotel, my front door camera went off showing her leaving the house. At that point I just shut down. My mind was racing on what to do and I also thought fuck you then I guess it’s over. I sat in my hotel room for about 20 min stressing out. When I realized I couldn’t just sit there, I went back home. Her car was still there so I knew she must’ve gotten picked up. I was just so mad that I sat with my dog and thought about how I was going to have to get divorced and sell my house and move and all the things. She still wasn’t home about 3 hrs later so I finally tried calling several times with no answer. I don’t know why I didn’t call sooner I was just angry and was thinking she made up her mind and fuck her basically.

The next morning, she came home around 9:30am, I didn’t sleep at all because I was freaking out all night. She said do you want to talk about it? I asked where she was, and she said she was at the coworker’s house. I blew up and told her she’s a terrible a person and an alcoholic and a piece of shit. She said she had called him because she couldn’t get our air fryer to work and wanted a ride to McDonalds to get some food. She said she didn’t remember getting to his house and she took longer to get home because she was hoping it was all a bad dream. At first, she told me she only kissed him and didn’t want to get divorced and that she would look into counseling. After I agreed to try if she quit drinking and went to counseling, she told me that she did sleep with him and didn’t want to lie to me. I told her I want a divorce and she just kept saying that she didn’t, and she wanted to work things out.

It's been two months now and we’ve been sleeping in different rooms. She hasn’t been getting wasted but still drinks wine occasionally but hasn’t touched hard liquor since the event. The coworker quit his job so they no longer work together. We’ve been going to couples counseling, but I still can’t get over her going out and fucking someone when she’s supposed to be my wife. I know she was wasted but how much of an excuse can that really be, and I don’t know if I can continue with our marriage after this.

TLDR: I caught my alcoholic wife flirting with someone on the phone, I said fuck you and left the house. She then left the house and cheated on me. Now she wants to work on our marriage.

EDIT: I was trying to keep it short and 5 paragraphs of my issues was more than I ever wanted online hence this throwaway account. Thank you for all of your advice and kind words.

I should've clarified, she did not start drinking 6 months ago. It's been going on for several years, it just wasnt every day. In the last 6 months it was every single day. I would regularly bring up that she was drinking too much and she always told me she was trying and working on it. She'd stop for a week or so then go back at it. When she would get really bad she'd cry and say that I dont care about her anymore. Every January for the last 3 years I did the no alcohol for the month and this was the first year she didnt join me. That made January fucking miserable.

Therapy has been helpful but thank you to those of you that recommended my own therapist as well. I had one solo session with our therapist but finding someone separate sounds like a good idea.

I'm sure reading this, it seems obvious that I should just leave (or should've already). I have been trying to make it work because I do love her when shes sober. We did virtually everything together outside work. Her drinking has slowly isolated us over the years. I dont invite friends over anymore because she gets wasted every time and I'm left trying to act like it's normal. Our friends and I all like to drink but shes the only one that gets wasted, which we've spoken about many times. Ive literally carried her out of every wedding we've been to excluding our own for at least the last 6 years.

I have put in some effort to make it work because I guess I have just wanted my life back (house,garden,dog, sober wife) but as my therapist and some of you have said that life is over now since she cheated and it's rebuilding a whole new life. That's why I'm still struggling after 2 months. I dont think I'll get over it. My therapist said I probably have ADHD based on how I overthink everything and thats why I tend to lose focus easily in conversations. That was one thing that made my wife think I didnt care about her anymore btw.

I posted it on TIFU because I do continually think that if I hadn't left or had called sooner things may have been different. However I do realize it was more than likely inevitable whether that night or the next.

She has cut way back on drinking since everything happened. I just dont know if its sustainable or forgivable.