We get a lot of different kinds of posts in this sub ranging from questions about styles to what body parts of people are the most fun to play with. Producers showcasing material in hopes of a sale, and really inspiring questions that make you think a little bit about what the kink means to you. And that’s the real best part of this kink. The connections.

People are the lifeblood of the kink more than any symbol, tool or style. You cannot engage the kink without someone else being part of it, this is not an activity for only one person. And like all other BDSM variations in the world it relies extensively on trust. Trust that the person you’re playing with has your interests at heart as much as, if not more than their own. Being a Ler is just another term for being a Dom. Stylized to suit our community, but the fundamentals are the same. And no good Dom that has ever existed in the world focuses on themselves, or behaves in selfish manner. In fact, the people who are this way are routinely weeded out and ex-communicated. It’s play, it’s fun, it’s a lovely experience to share with others but it is also work. It requires responsibility. Empathy. Patience and above all else service.

You are responsible for steering the ship that your lee is riding on. You are responsible for making sure that the ride you’re going down is in line with the expectations and desires of the lee you’re caring for. And you ARE caring for them. No matter the level of play going on be it untied playful feather strokes all the way up to the most brutal, dark and hardcore torturous tickling experiences you can imagine, it is the Ler’s responsibility to provide that experience. And way too often I see new, or inexperienced or maybe just confused individuals behave as if being a Ler is all about them getting to play with someone. There’s no passion involved. The other person isn’t part of it, they’re a tool. A means to an end. Something for the Ler to enjoy because they like to tickle people. This is not a Ler. These are not the traits of a good Ler. This is an abuser.

I adore tickling as much as the rest of us whom are here to see this. My tastes will not match everyone else’s here and if they don’t, they’re no less valid than my own. But my thrill, my true thrill comes from experiencing their reactions and living their world WITH them. More passion, not less. Even in heartless cruel play where as a Ler you’re meant to be ruthless, more passion. Not less. Create the world. Make it real. Make it mean something to the lee you’ve agreed to take on a magic journey of their choosing. You MUST care about their experience. If you cannot find joy in the work it takes to bring sensations to them that fulfill them on emotional levels, engaging with those emotional levels with them, it will never be as good as it could have been. You can never have them enjoy the experience without building that trust. Without enabling them to let go.

Being a Ler… what makes a Ler great, is respecting the job, respecting the Lee and being prepared to, and enjoy, giving.

What you get back when you do more than makes up for anything you’d have gotten going into business for yourself.