hi :) this is my first time posting on reddit, but i’m having a bit of an identity/sexuality crisis and i was just hoping for a bit of guidance? i’ve tried googling as much as i can, but i’m getting a lot of clinical or contradictory answers - i figured i’d come on here and get responses from people in the community instead!

so im f20, and from northern england. i grew up very sheltered - i was never really exposed to, or even aware of, the spectrum of sexuality. i had to teach myself a lot of stuff, i never had ‘the talk’ from my parents and wasn’t allowed in the ones at school. not for religious reasons or anything, they always just believed it was too ‘taboo’ to talk about, and then i got to an age where i was expected to just know. i came out as bisexual when i was 16, and i’ve never been in a relationship or had so much as a talking stage. i’m not at a point where i feel ready to have sex, it makes me feel very uncomfortable and self-conscious, and i just don’t want to for the foreseeable future.

so anyway, recently i’ve been seriously thinking that a polyamorous relationship/throuple would be something i’d like to have. i don’t really know why it appeals to me so much, and i can’t say for sure that i want it for the ‘right’ reasons yet, but i’d like to explore it. but as i said, i have very limited knowledge.

in an ideal scenario, i’d like to be in an exclusive relationship, where we’re kind of all dating each other if that makes sense? but all the definitions of polyamory ive found online suggest that it’s simply dating more than one person, which i feel like doesn’t really align with what i’d be interested in.

so, would an exclusive three way relationship still be considered polyamory, but just a more specific preference? or is there another word for it?

are the terms ‘polyamorous relationship’ and ‘throuple’ interchangeable, or do they mean different things?

is polyamorous a sexuality, or simply a dating preference? would i need to ‘come out’ as polyamorous?

how do i know whether i’m interested in a throuple for genuine reasons? due to lack of education from my parents about sex, i discovered porn at a very young age, and i do think it affected my perception of relationships. how do i know i’m not just fetishising the idea of a throuple?

are polyamorous and monogamous preferences mutually exclusive? i would be happy with one partner, just as much as with two and vice versa.

is it possible to be in a polyamorous relationship and not participate in any actual sex, or would that be a recipe for disaster?

how do you go about finding people who’s preferences align with your own? i’d like to be in a relationship, but i’m not very good at meeting people. i’m not very social (anxiety) and i don’t go out much, and i’m not that attractive so i don’t get approached either. how do you meet not one, but two people?

i’m sorry this is so long, i just have so many questions. if i said anything offensive or ignorant, i’m very sorry, i’m not trying to upset anyone, i just want to get a better understanding :) thank you for whatever help you can offer <33