Trigger warning: SA, suicide.

I went to a therapist a couple months ago. He diagnosed me with BPD and narcissistic traits on the first session. Although the diagnosis makes sense, it felt way too rushed, as he asked few questions in a fast manner, It felt like i was only giving a very brief explanation that didn't allow me to showcase the real amount of childhood trauma I've been through that could have caused the symptoms I went there for in the first place. My symptoms were severe anxiety and depression and as I dug deep I found so much about my symptoms and thoughts being rooted in complex ptsd which he never mentioned.

I was telling him about my concern with my financial situation and he suggested I move back to my mom's house. The horrors I've seen there... I couldn't even find the words to explain it to him and he didn't ask. I explained to him how my mom was a narcissist in a previous session so he knows that. It was extremely triggering for me.

In another session I explained to him how I got myself in so much debt and he called me stupid.

In a different session I explained to him how the sound of an elevtor or anyone near my apartments door makes me panic and his response was "you need to relax no one is gonna break in and rape you", I told him before about my history of sexual abuse so that was extremely shocking and triggering.

On the first session when I was diagnosed, the last thing he said to me as I was walking out his office was "its a miracle you're still alive" in a joking manner. That made my jaw drop because wtf... he asked me if I ever think about suicide earlier and I said a lot...

But then again, I constantly ask myself if I'm being too sensitive or if it's the bpd talking...

What do you guys think? I'm the type of person, because of my trauma have experienced mental dysregulation for a long time so my sense of judgement and inner guidance are Impaired thus I feel confused about a lot of things in life because sometimes I can't trust myself.

The thing is I can't afford other therapists and he's very flexible with payments. At one point I asked him to suggest another therapist from free governmental care system (it's free but extremely shitty especially mental health department) but at least if he knew good doctors there, and he said that they can treat my symptoms and give me meds, keep in mind that before that he admitted he wouldn't medicate me because of my addictive personality, it felt like he said it in a way to out me off because he knows I don't want that and he knows how those free shitty doctors wouldn't even know how to deal with bpd. Then he proceeds with telling me how he's giving me sessions at a very cheap rate as if paying less for a shitty clinical psychiatrist is sufficient...

Also he said "if you start the sentence with (I feel) know the idea you're having is not true. But like how am I supposed to express my feelings then? Literally all he does is ask how I'm doing which is a question I find extremely hard to answer. Then he sees I'm not doing well and proceeds with breathing exercises then I'm out.

He asked me to journal through sending him whatsapp messages, I started with English (my first language is Arabic). He insisted later that I only text in Arabic because "you need to stay true to your identity". But the thing is I was able to express more in English and I think he just doesn't know much English which is a red flag cause if you go to med school studies are supposed to be in English. And in our last sessions I expressed how I didn't find the sessions helpful so I ordered some books, he fucking ignores that and says "yeah there are some great book I can suggest some there are some in arabic" it made me angry because English speaking publisheres are way more advanced in knowledge so why would I delay my healing just because "I need to stay true to my identity".

Also, sorry if my writing is bad I'm disassociating as I write this.

Edit: just remembered something. He wouldn't even want me to talk about traumatic events I had "forget everything like you're born again and start from there" I've never felt so invalidated and I grew up with emotionally immature narc parents...

Edit 2: thanks to everyone's comments and the more I look objectively at my symptoms I really think I have CPTSD and was misdiagnosed with BPD. I really love the Internet.