I'm a 20 year old NB college student (USA) and I have a 23 year old sister. She just graduated from college this past summer, and is now doing a volunteer service year in washington DC (I live in NJ) with the Lutheran church. My sister was Dean's List, straight As every semester she was at college. She graduated with a 3.8 GPA. My parents are constantly saying how proud they are of her, and how smart she is.

My GPA right now is a 2.6, and I've never had straight As. I have not, and will never, be Dean's list. I'm simply not as smart as my sister. My semester ends in three weeks, and two of my grades are a 79 (C ). I believe I can bring those up to at least an 80 (B-), and I want to, as my parents do not accept anything lower than B-. My grades at the end of last semester were very bad, and they greatly brought down my GPA. At that time, I was experiencing severe depression, to the point I nearly attempted to take my own life, twice. This is due to my medications not working (I'm bipolar) for a year after losing my cousin to suicide in June of 2019. I've never been the same.

I'm a child of abuse, and I'm told this is common among people like me, but I feel absolutely worthless due to my two grades, and my current GPA. I'm disgusted with myself for having bad grades, and for having a GPA lower than at least a 3.0. I feel as though I'm dumb, even though I'm not. I was never torn apart for bad grades as a kid, but it's the only thing I was ever praised for by my abusive mother. It's the only thing I feel gives me worth sometimes, and I'm severely distraught and considering dropping out, as I'll never be as good as my sister.

Please help!