Struggle

I struggle with depression. I have 34 years. Started when I was 12. To me this results in greater emotional impacts during emotional times. For our purpose here it means family and marriage struggles. My wife is what you can call, emotionally unavailable. She doesn’t like to talk about things she doesn’t really provide warmth and affection etc. when we are struggling, it is 95% of the time my responsibility to do the work to mend the fences. If I don’t she will act normally and do nothing or say nothing till I break and force the conversation and “makeup “ we have come close to divorce a few times by my doing. I get the point where I don’t have the emotional energy to try to be the one to mend the fence. So when it happens during a depressive period for me. It makes both periods of time much deeper and last longer. I am so tired of not having someone there I can count on. Something that I can take comfort in. We have been to therapy after me trying to get her to go for years. It helped. She was better and I had a small bit of hope for us. That has since dwindled away and I am left without having most of my needs met. I am so fearful to call it quits. So scared of it being the wrong thing and negativity affecting our kids. Is it more the depression or the marriage?

Thoughts appreciated