During the beginning of the lockdown, I started talking to a girl, she was from eastern Europe, the first year we simply got to know each other, we bonded over a lot of things, had similar interests and even morals.

The second year things took a turn, and I fell in love with her, I even remember the very day I fell for her, but I knew it would be silly to make a move, she was in Eastern and I was in another country in Europe that wasn't very close. But we kept talking.

She helped me get through the loss of my grandma, and I was also there when she lost hers too, quite frankly I would call her my best friend, I truly have never known friendship like this, but granted I was still in love. I made no moves.

I think around the 4th year she started hunting that she was interested, but I was maybe blind to it because I was scared. Then after some time she became distant, a bit colder, and I kinda knew exactly why, and I hated that I was right. One day she texted and said we needed to call because she wanted us to talk. We called and she told me she was in a relationship for like a few months now, quite frankly my world turned upside down, but I told her I was happy for her, and I really was, she's quite the most amazing person on earth so she does deserve happiness. But after some days I texted her saying I wanted to end the friendship, she accepted and respected my wish.

It's been 9 months since I did that, and I find myself missing her lately, missing her talks, her advice, her jokes and smiles. I truly miss my friend but I know I can never go back to her but I don't know what to do.