We all have a story,

I always thought my flashbacks didn’t actually happen, fake, not real. Just like a blur moment then I’d snap out. I remember it all now and accept the reality. I thought it didn’t count since we were the same age and both 9 and same sex.

I’m ready to share mine

Grade 1-2 he would pee on swing sets and such and not be afraid of nudity in front of me (just us two no one there) and always grossed me out

His mom was super young when she had him and his dad left the picture . Mom is addicted to working out and adhd too and very interesting

I met this boy when I was 4 in JK and he lived 8 minute walk from my house

Same buss, same friends, very close.

Someone my age at 7 started showing me porn on our dial up internet (we are 26 now)

This child was sick minded at school, dirty minded, would always be humping stuff/ aggressive etc. he has adhd, ocd and abandonment issues with his dad leaving them age 3 and kinda being in touch , and stuff from a young young age

Whenever I was over his mom would have naked photos of him on the fridge - what mom takes a photo of her kid peeing on the toilette or something and puts it on the fridge I was always so weirded out by it

I didn’t like the porn - idk why he was showing it to me on my parents computer and his

Then he started forcing me to watch scary scary movies in grade 2 / 3 /4

Think: chain saw massacre , saw 1 /2 , the grudge, human centibide, chucky, demons and hell movies

He and his mom watched really bad movies

He would enjoy watching me HATE it since he already saw these movies with his mom / etc

He would always pause the scenes or naked humans, private parts, sex and laugh and see my reaction. I hated watching these movies

One time in a hot tub he kept trying to convince me to like lean on the power jets like he was. The way he was the jets where hitting his junk and likely feeling good and he kept trying to convince me to do it with him etc

When I was around he would always have sicko convos even with his mom like “j doesn’t even know what a yeast infection is, tell him” we where so young

Always wanted to talk about sex, BJ, vaginas, sex, topics like that so young well before grade 5/6/7 that you start

Then started the SA

One time he created a barrier around the bed like a fort and I don’t remember how it started or ended but I’m assuming he took off my pants idk really. I don’t ever remember him asking for consent or any “hey let’s touch” lol not once I think now slowly over the movies and porn and other subtle he knew I was weak and a push over and quite polite kid.

I’m guessing I’m in grade 3 , 9 years old ish maybe 8

He would like dry humo me, with a hard on, pretend to have sex with me, tips touching etc, try to move it around my butt / in and I remember saying no no no and he stopped

Another time in the winter in our park in the winter and pants down but like hard tips like hitting ? Idk how to describe it

Another time under a pool table

He would always pay boundaries

I broke my toe one time in grade 5 and had a sleep over and he would PURPOSLY HIT IT SO NANY TIMES and it was so painful . Who the fuck does that. He would purposely hurt my toe . wtf ! It was blue purple red etc . 4-5 times and he’d almost enjoy me saying awe awe awe stop etc

I feel so bad for him his childhood was worse than mine with weed smoking dad leaving his mom, mom not stable , gets a new relationship has 3 kids so 3 half siblings , single mom prior -

Haha I’m getting spins right now like rotating spinning . I sometimes get this when I do BDSM in the bedroom and I’m now connecting it to my trauma wow. Circling and spins roasting and I only get this feeling when I do BDSM or “lose control” stuff in the bedroom . Wow. I’ve never written this all down . Very interesting . Okay back to writing

The interesting part I buried this so deep down and sometimes would get little flash backs and then sSTOP and buried it

We grew up still and kept being friends and still are to this day . Weird eh?!!

And I still loved and like this guy he wouldn’t hurt a a fly I have zero hate for him (not in a abuser manipulated you way tho) like I know he got traumatized by someone else and such and sadly I was powerless and accessible and he took out his angst on me

The SA has made me develope BDSM kinks , massochist , etc but I don’t blame or hate him

He struggles socially and with substances and feel so bad for him, we had another friend in our group and he could’ve experienced abuse too but it’s so awkward

Like this guy said to me I might be his best man at his wedding

But idk if he remembers what he did and likely he has done worst and other things and received worst and other things from others

TLDR a close childhood friend SA me and im chill about him but not chill about how the trapped trauma I finally am admitting happened has affected ting my life

My sister was alsoSA by our uncle and I just told her last month so I may tell her my story soon too

Therapy session 4 so far so I’ll open up to this to my therapist next session

Im so thankful for this community it felt like group therapy reading your stories and tbh hearing how we all phrase it prior “this sounds stupid, is this SA??? “ like it feels so silly and stupid since we where kids when it happened and we don’t validate the seriousness of how it affected and affects us . Where kids supposed to be kids not be used

I’m here for you and proud of you for reading this because in some way you relate or experienced something similiar and are on a path <3