This is my 5th attempt over the past 9 years trying to start therapy and I just can’t seem to find someone ongoing. I have no idea what to do anymore!!!

I first started in college back in 2014. My college offered 5 free sessions per year so I tired that. I realized I needed help. The first therapist turned out to also be seeing a friend that I was having issues with so she let me know i “be better served by one of her peers”. She didn’t tell me she was seeing my friend but I talked to the friend sometime later and she told me so I connected the dots. I guess she felt it would be a conflict. Her peer was less than helpful. He went automatically into “let’s try out tools” before helping me process anything. After a couple sessions of me trying to tell him things and not utilizing the tools he let me know I wasn’t ready for therapy and I could return when I was.

Second attempt was also at school. A director of a student support program offered free counseling session which I signed up! She was great! But after a few sessions it was harder to schedule due to time constraints on both of our parts. I then dropped out of that school after the semester ended.

Third attempt was a couple years ago right when the pandemic was winding down. I decided to use my big boy job insurance to contact one of their approved providers and started seeing him. Well, he was less helpful than the last guy. You could tell he didn’t listen to what you were saying. He spent more time talking about himself and throwing “tools” at me than listening to me or helping me process anything. On top of that, my insurance wasn’t covering the visits. For whatever reason they claimed that the HIM specifically in the practice wasn’t on their list even though the practice sent over requested documentation AND he was on their website of providers. So after paying HUNDREDS of dollars to listen to some guy talk about random things I quit.

Fourth attempt was a few months ago. I used my work’s EAP and talked to the first person that had an opening. I had 5 sessions per year through the EAP. This one we met virtual and I felt comfortable with her and she gave me space to discuss some things and I looked forward to our sessions! I looked her up and saw she was a provider through my insurance and her website confirmed it! Finally we got to our 5th session and she tells me she DOESN’T accept my insurance. Wishes me luck on my journey.

Tonight was the 5th attempt. Talked to this guy for 25ish mins and I’m over here trying to tell him all the relevant diagnosis and some identified stressors. We discuss goals and it turns out he is specialized in short term meanwhile I am looking for long term. I totally understand this. It just sucks.

Is it supposed to be so difficult? I’d prefer virtual but I don’t even know what’s supposed to be better anymore.