Hi idk how to start this because idk what I’ll write tbh I’ve (23m )always thought about seeing a therapist but honestly i don’t work atm so i feel like id waste money that isn’t mine. I don’t know how to feel happy, genuinely happy. Things could feel nice but nothing that makes me genuinely happy and a light heart. I never found it easy to talk about my emotions it never comes out right i guess and so i feel like i don’t have anyone that i can actually tell how I truly feel. When i was 18 i lost someone a family member that truly meant the world to me someone i deeply loved like a mother. Just writing that and I’ve started to cry aggressively for a second there ha I don’t think i ever truly got over that i never used to be that much of a crying type but ever since then when I’m alone if i see something that reminds i burst into tears for a second before regaining my composure . Idk how to deal with myself i find it hard to connect with people to have relationships i just pick out the flaws now and think it wouldn’t work ,found that out When i got in to a relationship after and i wasn’t able to give the same care and love i was given. so been single for 5 years now id be lying if i said it doesn’t bother me i know i want someone i can talk to then again what would i say … I also somehow seem to forget to check on people i should check on because they were good friends and so i don’t talk or forget to reply or do any effort for that friendship so of course it would seem to them like i don’t care in any way whatsoever and so i lost some important people that i took for granted and i also regret that so much i hated mystery for it. People who also meant a lot to me and i just forgot about them and made them feel like they didn’t mean anything to me I deserved that I can’t blame them. Resorted to fwb but honestly that only happened once lol which sucks when you have the same sexual drive that i have , it’s bad enough that I’m so hard i nearly masturbate everyday to feel at ease. I feel lonely like I’m in a box sometime but honestly my dog does keep me company so I’ll thank him for that I love my parents a lot but it wasn’t always easy especially with my dad tbh he desperately needs anger management courses or something I’ll never think about ending my life in anyway tho i never thought it was right tbh but i don’t think I’m okay. If you got this far thank you for reading I appreciate it :).