This is my first time posting here. This is gonna be super messy and I don't want to feel judged. I just need it off my chest with someone who hopefully understands. We've been going at this for 5 years I divorced shortly after meeting him, I thought he would do the same. I'm intertwined in his family his so knows me the kids love me it was never supposed to go this far. She thinks we're just friends I think she isn't stupid and knows what's been going on but will never admit it. Last year he dropped a bomb on me letting me know that he's in contact with an "ex" of 15 years who he keeps going back to. That makes 3 of us in this fucked up love triangle. His SO knows about the ex and has accepted this and how he wants to live his life of constantly going back and forth between them. I accept it to a point which is where I fucked up too. Over the past year he will would spend a few days with the ex. I hated it and still do but it was a way to just let him be and still have him in my life. That's so sorry of me. Over the last month or so he had been letting me believe he was finally done with the ex...until Sunday. He let me know he would be moving out of his house and moving in with his ex and I blew up. I told him I couldn't keep doing this and I let him know how much he keeps hurting me. After some not nice words back and forth I stopped replying.

He took it upon himself to come see me Monday and there was very obvious tention between us but I tried my best to pretend i wasn't upset. Things have settled down since then but I'm still keeping him at a distance. I know the move is happening soon and I just want to be done once and for all.

I just want him to cut me loose already. I feel like an idiot for allowing this to continue for as long as it has. I feel like the worst person in the world. I just want to be set free even if that means I have to walk away from everything I've known for the last 5 years. This is so hard.