Last year around this time I wrote that I needed to move 5 hours away to begin caring for my mother. My longtime MM and I have kept in touch and I've been back to see him a couple of times. He was never able to come here to see me.

We had a spat about me actually having a life without him back in June. We made up and decided on a don't ask, don't tell situation. I had told him that if I met someone and I got the feels for them I would let him know. I have gone out with a couple of single men here. No sparks at all. He knew that I might go on a date at some point.

Last night as we were reminiscing, it came up that he knew I had been on some dates. I don't know how, maybe he was just fishing. So I told him that yes I had had a couple of dates, but not even a kiss was exchanged.

Somehow it ended up that I had to make a choice, continue to be his totally or move on.

I know for a fact he will never leave his wife. And I do have some life left to live. I'm 63. So I said I needed to live since we would never be together.

And that was it. We said goodbye after 10 years. I cried, but I'm ok. Can't believe it happened at Christmas. I'll be ok, but I'm so sad for what could have been. But I know in my heart it never would have become a life together.

I will not call or text him. I need it to be over, so I can have a life again.