By some miracle of God, Nick has created a self-sufficient comedy monster while doing next to no work. Nick’s twisted mind accidentally spawned a community that is loyal regardless of whether Nick delivers on anything. It’s a monster that will rumble forward even in his absence, referencing Anthony Loneliano until the end of time. All of this accomplished simply by sitting in front of a mic every week and spilling the contents of his autistic brain onto the public.

His gay propaganda is so effective that nobody in this community could possibly think of Michael Douglas, Commissioner Gordon, or Regis Philbin without cracking a smile. I have no doubt this dumbass from Maryland has left a permanent mark on my psyche.

One day, I will crawl out of this hole of gay retards and build a normal, straight life. I will find a normal and beautiful wife. Our kids will grow up, move out, and have children of their own. They will visit me and their grandmother during the summer and witness the fruits of our beautiful relationship. One day, while my grandchildren are playing at my feet, a Batman toy of theirs will errantly hit me in the leg. “Sorry Grandpa! It slipped out of my hand” “Oh, it’s alright dear, go on and keep playing.” But the switch has already been flipped, echoes of Batman fucking Joker in the ass strike my mind like a match to dry leaves, and my gay brain roars back to life after years of dormancy. All at once, the memories come flooding back. For the remainder of my years, I trace back through my mind and the internet, searching for the beloved bits I had forgotten. I’ll grow distant from my family, as I recover my former identity. In gay little reveries, I’ll laugh to myself about gay Anton Chigurh and gay song parodies while my loved ones look on with concern. Eventually, they’ll hospitalize me, as the end of my gay life approaches. I have a feeling that on my deathbed, somebody, in some dull side conversation, will make a passing reference to Jeff Goldblum. The corners of my old, cracked lips will curl up, thinking about Jeff Goldblum on Family Feud as the lights go out.