Hello, I found this subreddit trying to resolve my severe anxiety surrounding death and dying. I have always been and probably always will suffer from suicidal thoughts and ideations, however, I also developed a severe anxiety and fear surrounding the idea of dying. This is not to say that I no longer want to die however I'm also scared to die but I want to if that makes any sense. While I was in psychiatric care in a long-term maximum security facility I had certainly had a severe panic attack surrounding the idea of dying which is ironic considering I had just attempted suicide the week before. I was 10 years old at the time and since then the fear has not only increased but become more frequent. I am on an extensive amount of different medicines not just for anxiety but for many other issues and mental illnesses as well however they do not help in the slightest when it comes to my fear of death, nay, the fear of the unknown. It's more of the fear of losing consciousness permanently. I do not give the slightest of crap about people remembering me. No one's going to remember me nor do I care if anyone does. A lot of other people's issues seem to be revolving around whether or not they make their Mark in this world. There's too many people in this world for anyone to make a substantial Mark that will last more than a couple hundred years. That being said, this is also not about strictly anxiety hence why the medication is not working with this specific thing everything else my medication works on but this is about the inevitability of an unknown occurrence. The fear revolves mainly around the possibility of me completely ceasing to exist. Everyone says why are you scared of that it's just like before you were born well before I was born I didn't have a Consciousness. Before I existed I didn't need to fear ceasing to exist. The only thing that sort of solves the issue is me convincing myself that I am immortal however stupid that may seem. The logic behind this reasoning is that if I truly believe hard enough that I cannot die then I will not die the brain is a very very powerful thing that can conjure up fake pregnancies make your body develop all the symptoms of any disease that you believe you may have and literally change your physical appearance if you believe in something hard enough so with that being theorized if you truly believe you cannot age anymore and you truly believe that death is only a figment of your imagination theoretically wouldn't you be able to truly live forever if aging can be stopped by sheer brain power? This is the only thing that stops my anxiety attacks. I've tried radical acceptance like my therapist has told me to do and that it only works in the anxiety attacks. When I get these anxiety attacks I cannot move I sit there and shake uncontrollably crying and hyperventilating I can't catch my breath the world around me darkens and it just is all around awful the fear hits me in the chest and the pit of my stomach and I can't do anything about it and I want it to stop every time I watch one of my favorite videos I love scary videos and I can't watch them anymore because the anxiety has gotten so constant so often that even when the word grave or death dying or suicide is mentioned it sends me off the deep end. I can't watch any videos of people getting killed any movies based around horror and those used to be the only thing that I would watch an entire genre of movies and videos has been taken away from me because of the stupid fear that I've developed at the age of 10. The worst part about all this is this fear of dying makes me want to die more I constantly think maybe if I just end it and get it over with I can stop having these constant anxiety attacks so as I go to proceed with doing so the anxiety attack hits and it's like a constant battle in my head I want to die but I'm scared of dying but that makes me want to die more.. I need suggestions on how to fix this cuz nothing is working it's been 15 years of this I'm tired of it it's getting worse I want it to stop.