Basically the title. I've been struggling a lot with my identity, both in regards to sexuality and just in general. Feel a lot of emptiness.

Anyways, I'm scared that I might be falling in love with my best friend. Not scared as in like homophobic scared just I don't want to date her because that would ruin things.

She is my best friend and I love and appreciate her so much, she is always there for me and despite highs and lows has been my friend for nearly a year now.

I have expressed that love to her and clarified that I meant it platonically because I know she is lesbian so I don't want to come off as flirty or confusing but idk I think I might love her romantically

She has said that I'm the prettiest person she knows when I was venting insecurities to her. Which came off as really flirty but she said she didn't mean to. I kinda secretly hope she has a crush on me.

To further complicate things I'm diagnosed with BPD which can make relationships very challenging, even friendships are tough but she has never given up on me and always been there for me which is just one of the many reasons I appreciate her so much.

I also agreed to a date with a guy Tuesday idk why even I find him rather creepy tbh but I guess I'm just that pathetic and need love my parents won't provide that much.

My life feels like a drama TV show rn send help