Honestly this is the only place I thought I could bring this

I haven't used reddit in like a year but I'm trying to make sense of things

I'm dating the love of my life, we met on the first day of 8th grade in math class and from the moment I saw her I thought "wow she's beautiful" and then I got to know her and she is just the most spectacular, the most loving, and the sweetest and most perfect girl I've ever known. I remember the way I told her I liked her and the way I asked her out, with a middle school jazz concert and a jar of peanut butter (smooth, both ways)

I grew up in an area of southwestern PA and I wish I could just be standing in a field up there holding her hand watching the sunset, I've dreamed abt that for forever

After I turned 14, the doctors told me I was low-risk for suicide and I had horrible anxiety and hypoglycemia, which is a small version of diabetes. Almost every day I shake uncontrollably and need to eat but I literally can't. I'm scared to think what our lives would be like without each other, I don't want to lose her, she's like a blessing that's more than I deserve.

But I don't want to lose her, I don't want to die, today I had a panic attack bc her friends made fun of the way I text her. I try my very hardest to be the sweetest, most loving guy she's ever known 24/7, one time we went to get ice cream, she got hot fudge and cookie dough, and I got vanilla so she could get any topping she wanted. And when I said that, she gave me a hug and just held me and said "all I need is you".

Guys, I don't know any of yall, but this is the girl that when I go serve my country (hopefully after college), that I want to be waiting at the airport with open arms waiting for a hug and kiss. I don't want to lose her, I don't want anything to change, and I want to protect her. But I need something to help cope with my medical issues and my anxiety before I can be there for her

Thanks guys

TLDR; I have contemplated suicide, I have high anxiety and hypoglycemia, and I don't want to lose the love of my life. Also I forgot to mention I starved myself when I 14/15 for 3 days

Edit: dudes, honestly thank you so much for the support, y'all are complete strangers on the internet and I'll probably never see your face, I wish I could and shake your hand and tell you how much you mean to me, love y'all and thanks for doing something for a stranger ❤️

Edit no.2: guys, istg I feel like I've known you guys for 10 years you've given me the utmost support and words of reassurement, I feel like I did when I woke up this morning, I actually wish yall have the greatest days and the best rest of your lives 😄

Edit no.3: Dudes, it saddens me that I can never meet any of you or give any of you a hug and talk to you 😢 but I actually love you all ❤️ I'm sorry if I never get to responding to everyone, but every last one of you are amazing people I always thought this would be my battle for myself but it turns out it's a battle being won by me and hundreds of people 😊 I could never repay any of you all for the kindness you've shown me, but you are truly the 1% and truly spectacular souls and I wish you the best of luck in life, in school, in work, in relationships, I wish you all find the perfect one girl or boy or person who's for you ❤️ you mean the world to me, carry on 🥰