First off, I’m new to this sub so please let me know if I need to edit this post. It’s long, TL;DR at the bottom.

I (17M), around 2.5 to 3 years ago asked out the girl of my dreams, and I completely ruined the relationship. Let’s call her Jessica. We had been friends for around 3-4 years at that time,(We go to a school with 14 in our graduating class, less than 60 in total) and at the beginning of sophomore year I began to develop new feelings for her. (We are the same age.) I began to fall in love with every part of her. The way she talked, how she covered her mouth when she laughed, her smile, I dreamed about just being with her. I asked her out after consulting the boys on what to do. She said yes at the time and I remember going home and playing Madden and feeling literally invincible. I went to school the next day and I told the boys what happened, and they didn’t get excited for some reason. Anyways, the day continued and at 3rd period she caught me in the halls. She told me that she didn’t want to go out l, after all, and she would rather be friends. Swallowing literally all of my pride, I told her that would be nice. I went into the locker room and I remember feeling a hole in my chest. Turns out, all of my friends knew that she was going to do this to me, and that’s why they didn’t get excited. That day was tough, but what was tougher was that she spread rumors (and with 14 people they spread fast) that I cried, and begged, and etc. Probably to make her feel better...? I still don’t know to this day why she did this. Anyways, after a rough couple months I suppressed my feelings and moved on, mostly.

Fast forward to a month ago. We (the boys and I) have all started to make friends with the freshman. There’s this one, let’s call him.... Matt. Matt is funny, likable, and pretty good looking. He’s almost 6 foot, and is overall a ladies man. We all love Matt, and he and another freshman... Jeremy, all get integrated into our friend group. Jessica began to talk to Matt, and started hovering around us in the halls, at open gym, at lunch etc. Now, Jessica is very cute. Matt, however, is pretty much uninterested at a relationship with a Senior that will end at the end of the year, etc. Matt, however, still wants to hit that. Matt and the rest of my friend group (which never stopped talking to Jessica, because why would they), are trying to get Matt hooked up with Jessica. They talk about it a lot, and around me. They don’t figure anything is wrong with talking about Jessica around me, which there isn’t, and I don’t want them to feel that way. Anyways, I have always still had a type of attraction towards Jessica. (God that sounds creepy). She has still always maintained the same mannerisms that I fell in love with, still the same girl. So, of course, because I fell face first into a one sided courtship, she has always been on my mind. I never like, check her out or anything creepy, but I never don’t not notice when she enters a room, or is talking about other guys. I’ll never act on anything, and I never fantasize with being with her, but it still hits me in the hole in my chest. We were great friends for so long and I ruined it. Anyways, hearing the boys talk about her in this objectified, sex object way, has really made all of these feelings resurface. In a way, I want to jump in and defend her! Like, “Boys, she’s more than just a whore, she’s yadda yadda yadda....”. I don’t know if this is normal?? I feel awfully creepy saying this out loud but it’s been brewing in my heart for a month.

TL;DR: I asked a girl of my dreams out a while ago, got rejected super hard after I fell Super in love, now there are new freshman in my friend group that are unaware of that happening and they talk about her in an objectified manner and it’s making all of the same feelings I had resurface.