So, in my discussions with people who exist in a relationship with limited or no sexual energy, it often will be said that all the higher libido partner wants is to be desired. I have heard men and women go on at length about the physical need of their partner's embrace. How at the beginning, when the love is new, that the simple dance of sexual desire and of being wanted fed the fire that they had for their lover. What is simpler than the embrace? The twining of two bodies as one. The innocent politics of the brushing of two bodies against each other with intent. The Kama Sutra of Vatsyayana has a whole chapter on this simple and beautifully fulfilling art of the embrace. Like rungs on a ladder, each action leads to the next and a broken rung will keep us standing on the ground with the sky in our eyes. Time to get our hugs on..

The levels of 'the embrace' moves through the levels of a relationship starting with the flirtatious touching of two bodies that are unsure of each other's intentions. Body language goes a long way between two potential lovers. We read, sometimes incorrectly, the body language of everyone we meet. In sexual intention Vatsyayan says that the brushing of one body against another with intent is embracing. If you've ever had a lust so deep for another that just the gentlest brush of your body against theirs launches 100 fantasies to keep you busy until the moment your able to make love to them, you know what I mean.

"When a man under some pretext or other goes in front or alongside of a woman and touches her body with his own, it is called the "touching embrace."

"When a woman in a lonely place bends down, as if to pick up something, and pierces, as it were, a man sitting or standing, with her breasts, and the man in return takes hold of them, it is called a "piercing embrace."

Now moving on to lovers who know their partner's intention but has not lead to intimacy..

"When two lovers are walking slowly together, either in the dark, or in a place of public resort, or in a lonely place, and rub their bodies against each other, it is called a "rubbing embrace."

"When on the above occasion one of them presses the other's body forcibly against a wall or pillar, it is called a "pressing embrace."

And for lover's who are standing..

"When a woman, clinging to a man as a creeper twines round a tree, bends his head down to hers with the desire of kissing him and slightly makes the sound of comfort, embraces him, and looks lovingly towards him, it is called an embrace like the "twining of a creeper."

"When a woman, having placed one of her feet on the foot of her lover, and the other on one of his thighs, passes one of her arms round his back, and the other on his shoulders, makes slightly the sounds of singing and cooing, and wishes, as it were, to climb up him in order to have a kiss, it is called an embrace like the "climbing of a tree."

And for lovers who are set on the path of sex...

"When lovers lie on a bed, and embrace each other so closely that the arms and thighs of the one are encircled by the arms and thighs of the other, and are, as it were, rubbing up against them, this is called an embrace like "the mixture of sesame seed with rice."

"When a man and a woman are very much in love with each other, and not thinking of any pain or hurt, embrace each other as if they were entering into each other's bodies, either while the woman is sitting on the lap of the man or in front of him, or on a bed, then it is called an embrace like a "mixture of milk and water."

"When one of two lovers presses forcibly one or both of the thighs of the other between his or her own, it is called the "embrace of thighs."

"When a man presses the middle part of the woman's body against his own, and mounts upon her to practice, either scratching with the nail or finger, or biting, or striking, or kissing, the hair of the woman being loose and flowing, it is called the "embrace of the jaghana."

"When a man places his breast between the breasts of a woman, and presses her with it, it is called the "embrace of the breasts."

"When either of the lovers touches the mouth, the eyes and the forehead of the other with his or her own, it is called the "embrace of the forehead."

Why so many defined embraces? Why are these skills so important for the initiate to learn? In modern life we have two schools of sexual thought--one of the strict conservative procreation based sexuality and the other is the feels good so go crazy sexuality-- but most lover's live a busy life of career and family that straddles a sexuality somewhere in the middle. How to we keep the fire burning for our loves with so much distraction? How do we communicate desire, when the act of sex must be delayed? How do we raise our lover's sensitivity and increase the burning of their desire for sex?
It can be said that some lovers who have gone cold have forgotten what it feels like to have that new sexual energy. Others, like myself and my husband, on returning to a normalized sexual relationship find awkwardness and physical amnesia to pleasures we once shared. For others, sex is so available it has lost it's meaning and so it's gone luke warm. By going back and starting anew and focusing in on the small ingredients that go into a much larger feast, maybe we can learn to shed the frustration, resentment, grow warmer and stoke the fire. One last thing on technique, the Sutra ends with the following idea--in the end and in the throes of passion--the sutra, the rules and the order cease to exist... Happy embracing <3

"The whole subject of embracing is of such a nature that men who ask questions about it, or who hear about it, or who talk about it, acquire thereby a desire for enjoyment. Even those embraces that are not mentioned in the Kama Shastra should be practiced at the time of sexual enjoyment, if they are in any way conducive to the increase of love or passion. The rules of the Shastra apply so long as the passion of man is middling, but when the wheel of love is once set in motion, there is then no Shastra and no order."