I have been meditating for about 6 years. I LOVE how it brings me into presence with my body and my feelings. It has helped me process so much!

I have a history of childhood sexual trauma, I have always struggled with remaining present during sex & also experience anorgasmia due to this.

I have long been interested in tantric practice as a way to help resolve this. I have worked tirelessly in therapy & day to day life to seek healing both psychologically & somatically. Through meditation I have already released layers of numbness, which has led to stages where I experienced extreme physical pain with arousal & then that would pass. I'd release another layer & then encounter more pain. Then about 2 years ago I hit a block & it was like some part of my pysche just refused to engage in that work anymore. I have been waiting patiently for something to change, but I feel stuck.

I recently started dating a man who has been a dear friend for about 5 years. So I already know & trust him.

My boyfriend & I would like to explore greater presence with each other. So we've been doing breathing exercises & eye gazing, etc. Anytime I become present with him it's incredible for a min or 2 & then I get really triggered & end up in tears. He is very kind, safe & responds exactly how you would hope your partner would respond. I'm super grateful for him, but I'm increasingly frustrated & dissatisfied with my blocks. I want to be able to be present with him & it hurts that it doesn't feel possible right now.

Presence isn't really a problem in regular meditation. It only becomes a problem when intimacy is added.

I'm curious if anyone else has encountered these types of challenges and what has helped you move through it? I'm open to ideas, practices and advice!