Disclaimer: I work in telecom. From 100Gb express connections to POTS lines, I've done it all.

$BT - Me

$FUD - Jackass OSP tech

$MAN - The OSP area manager

Telecom has a bit of a problem.

Don't go.

Hear me out.

Yes, I know that ISP's can be shitty.

But you should know that it's not the fault of the guy at your house (usually).

Telecoms love to push people to the limits, but not give them any training. So if the guy at your house is doing a bonded DSL install and has only been with the company for three weeks, it's probably going to take him a bit to complete the job.

This DOES NOT apply to the asshole fuds that think because they've been with the company for thirty years, have been to every school under the sun (because of priority by seniority systems), and are over the age of 55, they don't actually have to learn anything.

This story is about one of those fuds.

It was a Thursday. Why do I remember that it was a Thursday?

Because I remember how desperately I wanted it to be Friday after the call was over.

Cue call from $FUD at third coffee of the day.

$BT - [Telco] this is $BT.

$FUD - This is tech [number]. This DSL circuit isn't working.

$Internal BT - Fuck.

I knew this tech. Everyone knew this tech. He had somehow managed to spend the last twenty years skipping out on any sort of actual field work.

Side note:

Because of union seniority systems, he essentially had his pick of jobs every day. So, he would avoid things like trouble tickets or bonded orders (i.e. potentially difficult orders). However, a few weeks prior to this incident, the company had updated to a pure automated dispatch system that prevented technicians from (easily) moving jobs around.

$BT - Okay.

$FUD - I think I have a bad pair.

$BT - What's your pair?

$FUD - PG31-XXXX

$BT - No, what's your DSL pair?

$FUD - That is my DSL pair.

$BT - No, that's a [BRAND] pair gain multiplexer feed pair. There wouldn't be DSL on that.

Side note 2:

Pair gain systems are a hack. A cheat if you will. As companies ran out of OSP cable pairs, new systems that allowed the multiplexing of multiple phone lines onto a single pair (rather than one pair per POTS line) became common. Multiplex at central office, then demultiplex in the field. Presto: twenty to thirty phone lines available for use in an area with a shortage of primary pairs.

$FUD - Yeah, but it should have my data.

$BT - That system was built in the 80's. DSL won't run on it.

$FUD - What do you mean!? Dial-up has always worked on it!

$Internal BT - I feel like screaming at you.

$BT - This is DSL. Not dialup.

$FUD - Same thing!

By this point, I had pulled up the documents for his order, and saw that on the third page the remote DSLAM was listed.

$BT - No. It's not. Your DSLAM is [XX-XXXX]. It should be nearby. Take your phone signal from the pair gain demux, cross connect it into your DSLAM at card X, port X, then take the common signal and connect it to the drop.

Side note 3:

This process is common knowledge that every single one of our field techs know/should know.

$FUD - This is bullshit. I've never seen anything like this! How can you fucking sit there and-

$BT - I'm sorry to hear that. Have a good day.

-Click-

Side note 4:

I am not front-line support. Do not cuss me out and expect me to sit there patronizing you.

I went about my business as usual for the next few hours, knowing that a giant shit sandwich was coming my way.

Ring.

Ring.

Ring.

$BT - [Telco] $BT speaking.

$MAN - $BT, I've got a pissed off field tech saying that you left him hanging out to dry. This is ridiculous.

$BT - I'm not sure what you were told, $MAN, but your tech was trying to put DSL on a [BRAND] pair gain.

Silence for a few moments.

$MAN - What do you mean.

$BT - I mean that he expected there to be a DSL signal coming out of the pair gain mux/demux in the field.

$MAN - You're messing with me.

$BT - No, sir.

I could hear him sigh.

$MAN - You take care.

-Click-

Epilogue

I didn't hear much from $FUD after that. Three months later he retired. Stay in school kids.