Preface: I work in telecom. This is a fairly recent tale (in comparison to my previous ones), so it takes place at a company I'll call [BIG TELCO].

$BT - Me

$CUST - Customer

$EK - Our titular hero

I had finally made it.

Years spent clawing up the ladder, training, and moving every two years had finally led to the moment I had dreamed of: a job offer from a major telco with union benefits.

I took it.

Things were great.

I had a job indoors, excellent benefits, more money than ever before, and a chance to really make a career for myself.

At least, that was the theory.

As I worked through my probationary period, I noticed a few odd things.

You see, I was an inside technician. I was at the center of the town, and as such, whenever the outside technicians were stumped, it was my job to walk them through fixing their problem(s). Some of them were outstanding; they would call in with the correct information, ready at hand, and I could clear up their trouble in short order.

Some of them, though…some of them were knuckleheads.

Right off the bat they took offense at my age. I was too young. They had been doing their job for thirty years and didn’t need a twenty-something telling them how to fix their problem.

Side note:

I don’t give a shit how old someone is. I’ve seen sixty year olds that couldn’t Velcro their own shoes without needing their hand held, and I’ve seen teenagers that could walk circles around college professors. It is what it is. What matters is if someone can (and is willing to) do their job.

Though, for the most part, they calmed down once it became clear that I actually knew how to do my job, all except for this one asshole.

$EK was an outside technician, but he wasn’t an entry level outside technician.

The union scale had different levels (much like any business). You had your basic level installers (the guys who came to your house to do POTS/DSL installations), but then you had a tier up from that. These, “advanced,” installers were the guys doing business class work. In theory, the advanced guys (and gals) would be able to do any of the work required outside (according to the needs of the business).

Again, this was all in theory, so I’ll cut right to the point: $EK was a jag-off.

He and his partner in crime (another, “advanced,” technician), were notorious for finding ways out of work. They would find any reason possible to kick an order to our I&M (cable installation and maintenance) crews, to avoid having to complete it. However, after $EK’s work buddy moved back to Africa (not a joke), he was partnered with another, “advanced,” tech, one who had been there longer than him, and was known for getting the job done.

This led to some resentment on $EK’s part.

He couldn’t slack off after two o’clock and pretend to be working. He didn’t get pager duty 24/7 (and the money that came with it) anymore. Even worse, he no longer got first dibs on vacation.

$EK became even more disgruntled when the outside technicians got a new manager. The new manager was a hardass, someone who made sure things ran like clockwork and would raise Cain if work wasn’t done to spec. What little slacking $EK could do, now turned to nothing. He actually had to work.

Six months into my tenure with [BIG TELCO] I get a call from a customer. This was unusual. I wasn’t customer facing, so calls into the office from a customer are pretty slim.

$BT – [BIG TELCO], this is $BT. How can I assist you?

$CUST – Hi this is $CUST, I’m calling about one of your technicians.

$Internal BT – Shit.

$BT – Okay. Which technician are you calling about?

$CUST – The one with the [MAKE/MODEL] truck.

$Internal BT – Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

Only one person drove that type of vehicle.

$BT – Okay…

$CUST – You aren’t hearing me. He went around through the neighbor’s land and tore a hole through my fence. HOW ARE YOU GUYS GOING TO FIX IT!?

Wut?

$BT – Well, sir, you’re going to need to call the outside plant supervisor. Here’s his number.

-Click-

By now I was curious. I went over to the garage to confirm my suspicions. As I drove into the garage, there stood $EK.

He was standing next to his truck, one which looked like it had seen better days.

He was arguing with his supervisor over the damage.

I figured that would be the end of it for me. I wasn’t there; I would have no way of knowing what actually happened. Except a few days later, an outside technician came into our office with a thumb drive. We popped it into our DVD player (we aren’t total savages, for those thinking I would plug a USB device into a company desktop/laptop), and a video came up.

Apparently, the fence owner was filming a video of his grandkids that day, and had caught the entire affair on camera.

$EK had been dispatched on a job, to install service at a local farm. It was quite a ways off the beaten path, and so after some time spent searching, he became frustrated with his inability to locate the easement onto the property. In his frustration, he barreled up the fence owner’s neighbor’s hill, jumped his (quite large truck) several feet into the air, and landed on the wooden fence, damaging it in the process.

When he got back to the garage, he initially tried to concoct a story about being run off the road by a semi, which was immediately retracted when the supervisor got a call from the (rightfully irate) customer.

I can’t post it here, (because the truck’s logo is plainly visible) but it was a thing of beauty.

Epilogue: You would think after something like that, $EK would be fired, right?

He’s still there today.

And the breaking the fence is just the beginning of all the shit he did wrong.

Edit: I'm glad you guys enjoyed the tale. I've got a few smaller tales (like this one) that I could post, for those who hate cliffhangers.