Preface: I work in telecom. I’ve worked for a few different companies, but this specific story takes place at [Data Center], a lovely place where machines disappear and people shirk their responsibilities.

Author’s note: The moderators have requested that frequent posters keep their multi-part stories to (1) post a day. In keeping with their request, I have spent the past few days tweaking my writing style to better fit a longer format, while remaining true to my usual, “style,” (AKA: how I enjoy writing).

Enjoy.

$BT – Me.

$DT – Dayshift tech. A rather boring fellow.

$HULK – The Wheatie eating king of our dojo data center.

$OPM – Our ever graying Operations Manager.

$ED – Ere-err…Executive Director.

$TC – Technician from [Big Company].

$NST – Fellow night shift technician. Unafraid to speak his mind.

There comes a time in every technician’s life, when they look at something and say, “Fuck that.”

Of course, the reasons are myriad.

Sometimes, it’s laziness:

“It’s Monday morning. There’s not a snowball’s chance in hell that I’m climbing up the side of a cell tower to rescue JoJo McChucklefucker.”

Sometimes, it’s self preservation:

“No, I’m not going to help you carry a grand piano up fifteen flights of stairs to impress an important customer (true story).”

But usually, it’s just a combination of sheer astonishment coupled with self-preservation that leads one to decide to go balls deep on their declination of a given proposal.

I had been at the [Data Center] for a few months, and things were going swimmingly. The overtime was abundant, the stock purchase program had just kicked off, and generally speaking, life was great. I even got along with the majority of my team (small though we were).

Side note:

The number of people on the team. Not us. None of us were physically small, you dirty perverts.

So it came as a surprise to me when I arrived at work, coffee cup in hand, and discovered quite the gathering standing around with grim looks upon their faces.

$BT – Yo?

$HULK - $BT, bro! You hear the good news?

$Internal BT - I just got here, what could I possibly have heard?

$BT – Nope. Can’t say I have.

$HULK – [Big Company] is moving into a cage here.

Oh fuck.

[Big Company] was a mega-corp near the top of the [Proprietary Metrics]. They had their hand in everything and were extremely particular about how their cages were set up. We had heard firsthand accounts about them from other data center locations within our company, and not a single one was positive. They would bitch about exact cage size, flooring setup, biometric system sensitivity, and then some. They would send people to try and sneak into our data centers and bypass security in order to, “test,” us and then bitch when their unauthorized workers would be detained by our security teams and criminally trespassed off the property.

In short, a shitshow was coming.

$BT – They’re coming here? You’re sure?

$HULK – Yeah, bro. Check it out.

Sure as fuck, there in black and white, was the handout for the morning meeting.

As we mulled around the break room, hoping that this was a nightmare we could wake up from, our illustrious Executive Director, as well as his right hand, the Operations Manager, came strolling in.

$ED – Alright everyone, the hand-off tonight should be short and sweet. Both myself and $OPM are here, because as you’ve seen, [Big Company] is moving in next week.

You could hear a pin drop in the silence that followed. We knew what was coming next.

$ED – Obviously, we’re going to need volunteers to assist in the turn-up.

There it was. The phrase we were hoping he wouldn’t utter.

$ED – This is a major customer and a huge win for us. Adding them to our local portfolio will help propel the company to even greater heights. I’ll talk to the other teams tomorrow, but for tonight, who here would like to volunteer to help set up their cage build?

There was continued silence for what felt like an eternity before someone finally spoke up.

$HULK – I’ll do it.

$DT – I’m in as well.

$ED – Excellent. Anyone from night shift? With a project this size, we really need after hours workers to contribute.

I should have said it.

A mental, “Fuck that,” right then and there would have saved me.

But no, I’m a masochist.

And I love me some serious OT money.

Side note 2:

I’ve worked 30, 12 hours night shifts in a row at that place. Not kidding. It got so bad, payroll and HR came down on my managers for letting me do it. After that, I actually had to sign a waiver every time I wanted to go over seven days in a row.

But the money. God the money was good.

$BT – I’m in.

And with those words, I knew I was fucked.

$ED – Excellent. We’re on a deadline with them, so everyone will need to get to work as soon as their shipments start to arrive.

Cut to the following Wednesday.

I was back at the [Data Center], my fourth cup of brew in hand. I had gotten up early that day, as I needed every bit of mental preparation I could muster. I hoped that day shift would be handing us some easy work. From a buddy of mine on that shift, I knew that the cage itself had already been set up to [Big Company’s] specifications by $HULK, so that was one less thing to worry about.

Though, as I came bounding through the Operations Center door with the enthusiasm of a three-toed sloth, a feeling of dread passed over me.

Everyone was gathered around for the nightly hand-off, as well as two bespectacled gentlemen that I had never met before.

$OPM – Let’s get started with the hand-off.

We all looked at him, hoping to just push through the night and get out in one piece.

$OPM – The gentlemen to my left are [Name 1] and [Name 2] from [Big Company]. They’re here to monitor our progress and ensure that the cage is setup to [Big Company’s] specifications.

The entire night shift looked at each other, hoping he wasn’t serious.

$OPM – I know it’s unorthodox, but given their standards, we’ve agreed to this to ensure our compliance.

What was this, a prison?

$OPM - $BT, you’ll be working with them for the evening.

Fuck.

$OPM - $NST will be assisting you.

Well, fuck me harder.

$NST was a great technician. He was hard working, friendly, and an all-around great dude. But he was mouthy as could be. In other words, putting him around two observers who were going to be up our asses and watching our every move was a terrible idea.

$OPM had to have known this.

We finished up the hand-off, and went to our desks to go through the list of tasks that needed to be done for the night. As we sat at our desks, scrolling through the queue and deciphering what still needed to be done versus what could be done, both $NST and I felt a strange sensation.

We looked back and sure as shit, not three feet away stood both of [Big Company’s] technicians, watching our every move.

$BT – I’m sorry, [Name 1] and [Name 2], but could you guys step into the lobby for a moment?

$TC [Name 1] – Why?

$BT – Because the information on our screens is proprietary, and having you watch everything we do could end up leaking confidential customer information.

TC – We were told to stay by you and ensure your compliance.

What.

$BT – That’s great, but you can do that from the lobby, just outside the door. $NST and I just need to print a few documents off and we’ll go to your cage shortly.

$TC – Why can’t we just stand here?

I don’t-

What the fuck.

After a few seconds of $NST and I staring at them with blank, unbelieving looks on our faces, they started talking to each other in another language.

After a short conversation, $TC finally spoke.

$TC – We’re going outside.

And with that, they shuffled out the door.

$BT – What do you think they said?

$NST – They were arguing over what to do. [Name 1] thinks we’re assholes for not letting them stand there, and [Name 2] thought they should just do what we said.

Double what.

$NST – They were speaking Korean.

$BT – How the fuck do you understand Korean?

$NST – Mormon missionary, bro.

I looked at $NST with a look of disbelief, before finally going to the printer and getting our documents for the evening. I wasn’t sure if he was fucking with me, but I didn’t doubt what he said.

As we stepped out into the lobby, our observers were nowhere to be found.

So we headed over to their cage, positive that was where they had gone. When we arrived, $TC was hunched over, examining the mesh for the cage and arguing with [Name 2].

In his hands, $TC was holding a set of calipers and forcefully voicing his opinion to [Name 2].

$BT – What’s up you guys?

$TC – This cage is out of spec!

He and [Name 2] argued in (probably) Korean for a few moments, before turning back to me.

$TC – You see.

He held up the calipers as he said this, and then jammed his fingers into the mesh.

$TC - This cage mesh is inconsistent. It is supposed to be a constant [gauge size]. And here it’s slightly bigger than over here.

He thrust the calipers at me as proof. The differences were fractions of a centimeter and well within the prescribed manufacturing tolerances for that brand of metal mesh.

Was this guy serious?

$BT – Okay, so what would you like us to do?

$TC – You need to replace the entire cage immediately!

$NST – Isn't this your (customer provided) mesh?

$TC – It doesn’t matter. Fix it now!

$NST – We can’t just tear down and rebuild a whole cage on a dime.

$TC and [Name 2] began arguing back and forth for several minutes as $NST and I looked at each other, wondering what to do.

$TC – Then I’m afraid our business for tonight has concluded. Good evening.

And with that $TC stormed off, [Name 2] in tow.

Back at the Operations Center, not an hour later, the phone rang.

$BT – [Data Center] this is $BT. How can we assist you?

$OPM – What the everloving fuck did you do?

To be continued.

Part 2 is up, if anyone would like to read it.