I work for a call center as an insurance agent. I work in general policy servicing and billing. Tonight, a gentleman called in to discuss an extension on his payments. This particular gentleman was recently in a very bad and life threatening accident and was out of work for a few months and shortly after he returned to work, he was laid off. Unemployment wasn't working with him to help him out and he was in desperate place.

Here lately, I've been feeling very depressed and thinking a little too hard about the world. I myself have been going through some money struggles due to illness and and my girlfriend recently getting a new job. Needless to say, I really felt for this dude.

Unfortunately his policy had canceled and our protocol is to collect unpaid premium before issuing a new policy. He of course didn't have the money for the payment or even the down payment to get a policy with another company. But, I wanted to help this man out so badly, he was not in a good place at all. There was absolutely nothing I could do.

Now, I'm a sensitive guy. The kind who's been called "too soft" or "too nice" at times. So immediately, I try to find any loophole I can. Unfortunately, nothing. All of a sudden, I start thinking about how I hate having to bring folks bad news like this. How it kills me to have to tell people in need that there's nothing I can do all because of cooperate policies. It makes me feel like a monster and fear for the day I become one of those agents who can say that sort of thing without any emotion in their voice at all.

I immediately break down while the member is on hold. I spend a good 5 minutes or so crying and having an anxiety attack. That's when I realized, I'm not cut out for call center work, as good as the pay is. I'm just too sensitive.

I eventually break the news to him and he's not happy at all. Not even angry, just crushed, and that ended the call. I know I don't make the rules, but sometimes I feel like an absolute asshole for having to enforce them and it's crushing my soul.

Needless to say, I'll be starting my job search soon to find something that gives me more joy than this. I'm not a very good agent and I know it.

I suppose the moral of the story is: Reconsider going into a job if you know it's not a good fit for you, even if the pay is good. It might just break your spirit. I knew working at a call center would not be a good fit for me, but I went for it anyway because the pay was better. In the end, I'm still struggling from time to time and now my depression is worse than before.