I wrote this mostly for advice seeking, but posting here as well to see if anyone vibes, has advice or can relate. We're near Tacoma, WA on the Peninsula.

Sorry for the throwaway; some of the friends mentioned below know my username and I just don't want to hurt any feelings.

This may not be the best place to post this, but I feel like it might be. We're certainly open to other suggestions though!

I'll do my best to keep this brief, but I'll probably fail. We just really feel like there must be another way here and I'd love to hear from any of your experiences getting through this period with positive results.

My (32m) wife (31f) and I have been married for just over 10 years. We have three young kids, the youngest being 5. We come from fairly conservative backgrounds and remain in those communities to some degree, though our divergence from them, particularly when it comes to repressive sexual attitudes, is not a secret from our friends or families.

We're hypersexual. We always have been, but our first was born 11 months after our wedding, and while we were able maintain and even increase our freakiness through the baby years, as the youngest gets older we're really finding that this is a primary facet of each of us individually and of our relationship, and something we both want to prioritize and lean into. We have sex at least once every day, and on average our sessions last about two hours. If we do watch shows or movies, they're documentaries about sex, stories that depict an interesting sexual dynamic, or strategic porn exploring some interest one of us expressed, and we generally discuss while watching rather than using it for additional stimulous. Over the past two years, it's started to feel like we should be the ones writing and/or making the content as our sex life has continued to progress and explode into something that seems to belong in some kind of erotic fantasy novel, lol.

Now, we've always been that horny, sexual couple. Feels weird to say, but we're both pretty good looking and fit, and my wife has one of those bodies that just seems to exude sexuality even if she tries to hide it. But we find that as sex becomes a bigger and bigger aspect of our relationship, we drift further and further from our close friends who all seem to perpetually be in those "struggling to make time for it" phases. We don't feel comfortable openly discussing new things we've learned about sex, whether they be philosophical or practical, for fear of making them feel insecure. My wife feels like she has to moderate the way she dresses and the things she opens up to even her closest friends about because despite LITERALLY ONLY HAVING EVER FUCKED ME the often unspoken responses from these women indicate that they think she's being a little slutty, or in the least are made to feel insecure by her confidence. I'm starting the process of going back to school to pursue a licensure in marriage and family therapy with a sex therapy emphasis, and I don't even like talking about that with our friends. I'm just sick of feeling their reactions that say, "it's a little much."

I realize that it'd be easy to read this and assume we hang out with hyper-conservative religious snobs, but we really don't! We have very close friends and they tend to really try to let their hair down! We take group trips to vegas, we get airbnbs together for vacations, we drink and smoke a lot of weed and dabble in other things together. I'd argue that this is honestly a pretty open and liberated group. But they're all falling out of shape and are tired and their sex lives have dwindled with the kids and there's just this large divide between us that I mostly attribute to their insecurities about all of that.

Mostly, I just find that this atmosphere is stifling. For me, the goal is to figure out how to add turn-ons into my wife's life wherever I can, and remove turn-offs. Her having to cater to these insecure women who are mad that their insecure husbands notice my hot sexy wife is absolutely limiting her ability to express herself and just be the confident, sexy and sexual person she is. I'm tired of her having to babysit them, and I feel kind of done pretending to be apologetic around the guys that the TINY bit of info my wife shared with their wives, or the way we acted around them, highlighted their bitterness about their own dead bedrooms. It's just not my problem and I don't want to spend my downtime actively trying to shut myself down and watching my wife do the same. It's turning us into homebodies who just stay home to fuck most evenings.

Now, that would all be fine; who needs friends? But we're really social! And we also find that social lubricant can be a huge turnon when the atmosphere ISN'T stifling! Really, our only outlet for that is trips to vegas every once in awhile. We don't even do anything crazy (outside of 12 hour slam sessions), but just being around people who aren't afraid to be sexy and sexual is really fun and warming and stimulating for us.

SO. This (finally) brings me to my ask in this post; what are our options here? How can we expand our horizons and step into a new season of sexual openness and embrace?

While we've talked about it and explored related fantasy, I don't really see us wanting to add a third or other group dynamics at this time. Right now, we're just genuinely so into each other, and if we could we'd just be fucking all the time. But I'd love to get us into social settings where sex and sexuality are more openly played with and discussed, or even engaged in! The only option right now that I think there's a good chance we'll do is attending some sex/swinger clubs and just sticking with each other. Seems a great way to be in a sexually charged environment for the sake of our own sex. But I do worry that having to turn people down and feeling bad when people approach us because we know we'll turn them down will be a little distracting.

My IDEAL would be for us to meet some local couples that we can just party with. Whether they're swingers or not doesn't matter so much, but it's hard to imagine getting embedded into such a group without ever planning to engage in group sex. Although... I mean we really do have some incredible, picturesque sex, so perhaps some of these groups would welcome us purely to get to SEE us?? Lol. I don't think either of us are especially exhibitionistic, but we certainly don't mind attention. We'd love to be playing some old school raunchy party games and just cutting loose.

I'd really love any thoughts or advice. We live on the Penninsula in Western Washington, not far from Tacoma. Wife and I both here to read responses, if that matters.

TLDR: Hypersexual 32m 31f 10-years married couple trying to figure out how to get into social settings that are more sexually stimulating rather than the stifling, insecure groups we tend to always find ourselves in.