I've been having a hard day today. Lots of chest pains and anxiety... mixed in with a stressful day at work. The guys I hired to do the lawn came today. It's been really hard for me... needing to ask for help with things. I've never paid anyone for lawn care before. When I bought this house in 2018 (all by myself), I was intent on doing all the work on my own, from shoveling to yard work.. disposing of dead chickens to catching snakes in the basement. No help needed - I was bad ass MILF Kate. Now I've got this bullshit thyroid issue after having two miscarriages.... two miscarriages I dealt with alone, while my husband was messaging prostitutes and having an emotional affair. I'm so mad at him. I'm so sad. I'm less than what I was when we met, and that's mostly because of him. I'm glad this all happened, though... because I'm fighting through the tears and I'm learning to stand on my own again. I miss who I thought he was so much... I'd give anything for that lie to not have been a lie. I need a hug... and not from the dogs. They smell really bad today. They've murdered two groundhogs this week. Dog baths is on my long, long list of things I'm trying to muster the energy to do. One thing at a time, right? I've just got to get it together and stop crying.