I seem to always get involved with men that have a Victim Mentality. They can be horrible, inconsiderate, and super damaging, but there's always something that "happened to them" that was worse than or justified their abhorrent behaviors.

"Victim mentality is a psychological term that refers to someone with an external locus of control. They do not believe that they are in control of their successes or failures, and often feel helpless or without blame. They are driven by pessimism, fear and anger."

My husband is very much so one of these people. He feels the need to comment on how his "privacy is non-existent now" after he literally lied to me since the day we met (including lying about being married while we were dating, contacting prostitutes, having dates, having an emotional affair where he made plans to marry and have kids with someone, and the list goes on). He mentions that "I violated his boundaries" when I talked to his ex wife about his feelings to clear up a communication issue they were having and read his "private" blog that he gave me the username and password to.

I've been reflecting on all of the men I've had in my life and there's this common theme: a lack of culpability.

I'm working in therapy to unpack this and figure out how to heal from it. I'm tired of repeating this pattern. I'm tired of putting myself through this and allowing myself to be hurt by people incapable of recognizing that they are the villain in their own stories. I'm done making excuses, being patient, allowing myself to be walked all over and taken advantage of. I won't tolerate it anymore. I can't.

I will no longer sabotage my own happiness by allowing unhealthy people to be the focal point of my life. It took me WAY too long to figure this out, but I'm here now. I'm grateful for my husband's betrayal and subsequent manipulations. It took him crossing my boundaries so many times that they ceased to exist in order for me to realize my life with him was a house without walls (or a foundation).