Here's the second thread which has a link to the original one. I recommend reading both because it's complicated. https://www.reddit.com/r/survivinginfidelity/comments/fex58p/bizarre_behavior_from_husband_i_need_clarity_as_i/

On 3/7 after he gave me the anniversary gift I had a conversation with him that night. I told him that if he wanted to reconcile that I needed several things:

1. complete honesty about everything that happened
2. all bank statements from account he opened for our business for which I do all the taxes and banking but have never been able to see (he closed the account)
3. WhatsApp status (online or not)
4. Google Location sharing
5. phone pin

I told him to take a few days and think about it, to figure out what he wanted, and what he was able to do. 10 minutes later he packed up all of his clothes and left, leaving his wedding ring behind. Next day he shows up and says he's not going anywhere in a defiant tone. I tell him fine I can't force him to leave while we're still married and tell him I'm going to pick up the kids from my mom's house so we can tell the kids. This was Sunday. Now we kept a revolver in the house and out of an abundance of caution I had taken the bullets from the case and hidden them elsewhere Saturday morning. On Sunday when I get back home with the kids I go about my business doing chores. I noticved that the gun case was in a different spot on the closet shelf and that a box on my dresser had been opened. He was sitting on the sofa like he wanted to talk but I didn't say anything and kept on with my day and went out and had some coffee on the patio. When I come back in he's opening all the drawers in the living room. I knew he was looking for the bullets but he didn't say anything when I asked him what he was looking for. After about two hours of random searching through the house I was nervous enough to tell the kids to put their shoes on. He finally asked me where the bullets where at which point I hightailed it to the kids room and told them to get in the car. He starts dry eye crying about not wanting me to take the kids away from him. I tell him that he's freaking me out and ask him to go talk outside. He says that he would never hurt me or the kids, but that he doesn't want to live without the kids and shows me a suicide letter he wrote them. I calmly tell him that I would never separate him from his kids (which I had made clear to him before) and that he needs to think about them and not himself. That we can always work out an agreement so that he gets to spend time with them as much as he wants, blah blah. He keeps on dry crying (no tears). Finally hands me the gun which was in his pocket. I tell him that I want to take the kids to my moms because I don't feel comfortable with the situation and sleeping there that night and he goes into their room crying and hugging them and saying he doesn't want me to take them away. Which freaks them out (14 and 11) and then I have to tell them what is happening that we are separating. Because he wont let go of them I have no choice but to call the police. This was Sunday night. He gets baker acted and taken to the hospital.

He wont take my calls for the first few days and gets any information he needs by having a nurse call me. On Wednesday his psychologist calls me saying we need to do a family meeting. We meet and I agree that he can come back home if he behaves and cuts the silent treatment out, can be respectful, etc. The psychologist says we should do couples therapy and wants me to make an appointment right away for the next week. He gets out on Friday.

That night he buys me wine, I get drunk, he offers me weed, well, you can imagine what happened. My plan was for him to continue sleeping on the couch. Instead Friday night after I go to sleep he comes in a few hours into the night and asks me if he can sleep in our bed. I was so out of it I said yes. Next morning he says he just wants to hug me and I say I don't think it's a good idea. He says no sex, just hugging and me being the idiot that I am I give in. We end up having sex. He starts acting like everything is ok, being supper nice. I'm pretty sure the whole wine and weed where done on purpose to get me in a drunk state so he could get back in bed. He knows sex is my weak spot.

Tuesday we have our first couples therapy which is mostly just intake and telling our sides of the story. I tell mine and he tells his and he keeps on maintaining that nothing happened. I say that I want our marriage to work out but that I feel that if I don't get what I asked for all the couples counseling in the world is not going to help. The therapists asks us each why we want to save the marriage and what we want out of counseling. He says that he loves me and he wants to feel that he is trusted. I said that I needed to be able to trust again. So in the end she said that we had a bump in the road, a big one, but that it was not insurmountable. I'm not so sure. I feel like I had all this determination to stand my ground and I was ok when he packed up and left. And now he's back home and it's like everything is back to the way it was. He said after therapy that he was not going to let me slip away (or something like that) but again, there has been no admission of anything on his part.

I'm going to give this therapy my best and I hope that he can be honest as times progresses but I just don't know at this point. I love him and I really want this to work but I'm so afraid that this is just more fake niceness on his part and he's not really wanting to change. He hasn't mentioned any of the stuff I asked for except in the couples counseling to say that it felt excessive and intrusive. I'm so fucking tired.