I’m a 39M and my wife (32F) has been cheating off and on for most of our 8 year marriage. It’s about 2.5 years from D day 1 and I found out about her second affair about 2 months ago. I didn’t leave after the first affair because I felt bad about being a bad husband in some ways and we had a 2 year old. (Amazingly the DNA test said the kid is mine). I didn’t ask for enough changes from her and the first affair totally got rug-sweeped.

I guess getting off easy made her comfortable with cheating more. And it was with a married police officer this time (the first time was with some barely employed scrub that had the drugs she wanted). Oh yeah and she saw the first guy a few times again before finding the cop. I went through her phone a lot more this time, including all of her emails going back years, and found out she had Tinder Plus for 9 months off and on years ago. So there must have been even more than two affairs, but she won’t admit it. (she says she met the two guys I know about using reddit, fuck r/bunnies4badges lol). I also found out she was cheating on her old boyfriend when we first met, while telling me she was single. What a great person I got mixed up with.

We actually separated for a month this time, but I came back home a couple weeks ago. I told myself it was to get the house ready for sale and to get a real separation agreement signed, but we haven’t done those things and now she doesn’t want a divorce. Like wtf am I doing here. I guess it’s just convenient to be a family and pretend everything will be okay even when it won’t.

I went on a couple dates during the short separation, but they were so draining for me even though the women were perfectly fine. I just can’t do it, and it feels impossible to meet someone again. My cheating wife is young and more attractive and would probably be remarried in 6 months if we really split while I’m left with nothing. It feels like she won’t get any fucking consequences.

How do I just make this divorce happen? I was hoping she would be on board and off with an AP and not care, but that didn’t happen. She says they are gross and doesn’t want to see them anymore. And how do I even get a separation agreement signed and filed in court if she refuses to sign it…