Or it’s a weird reaction to vaping marijuana for the first time in months while drunk, hormonal, alone, and exhausted.

Backstory: about a 1.5 years ago I left my abusive marriage and business I ran with my ex. I basically became a sex worker to make ends meet in addition to working in my previous field every waking hour I didn’t have my kids. I met my SD about a month in, he comforted me, rented a luxury apartment in my name with his bank account on file for the rent, trained me in a new field, while accepting the way I was making my living. I was raped twice by potential clients and each time he told me that he would cover my expenses so I could stop meeting men. I told him that it would feel like charity and I was too proud for him to pay for my divorce costs and all the rest of the bullshit expenses that were way beneath his hard-earned dollars.

Now, with his help, I got a job that pays more than what my ex and I made put together. I work a normal 40 hours a week and they sent me for training that helped me get certificates that make it so I am legitimately qualified to work in this field, completely independent of him. He basically found me at rock bottom, picked me up, put me on my feet, and now tells me that I did it all on my own. I’ve never had anyone help me and not rub my face in it. Also, the sex is unbelievable, but I’m not going to gross you guys out with the details.

Obviously we have no future. He is a married man with a DADT that completely baffles me. He loves his wife. We have an open relationship which is basically like being friends with benefits. But he has become such an anchor to me. My children love him. He seems to genuinely love them back. He has been consistently there for me when I’ve needed him, providing help in the exact way I needed it. He is romantic, he plans fun dates/trips, and listens when I talk. The asshole bought a card game for couples to play together FFS! It was adorable. I don’t know why I’m writing this post. I know I need to stay in the present and stop worrying about the future, but I am genuinely dreading the end of this relationship that was pretty much a miracle from the start.

TL;DR middle aged white woman having existential crisis because she may be in love with her married SD. It’s probably just indigestion, but still. Scary. I will not be giving vouchers to compensate those who feel that they wasted their time reading my long-ass post. GFY, this is reddit, it’s all a waste of time. I’m sorry, I don’t think you should GFY, thanks for reading.

Edited for spelling words