Long post. Sorry not sorry. Tl;dr: 🎉

Very busy week. Decided to cap it off with not one but two M&Gs today.

The first: she’s a model. We’ve seen her in athletic catalogs, no doubt. Seems cool - friendly-ish, not asking for m&g gifts etc. we schedule lunch today. I get there just about on time, text her I got there before her and I’m the guy outside. She responds - well, I’m gonna save bits of this for the next “they said what??” But one of you had an epic response to this, if you dare to share:

Do you mind today if I receive a small bit of allowance if everything goes well? I don't usually go on meet and greet dates without some sort of allowance to know that you are serious about starting and[sic] arrangement with me. This would be my first date in seattle. I just moved from miami,fl last week.

Oh boy. Here we go again! I respond something that sounds positive, but it’s 1:10 and she supposedly had 1-2 off for lunch. I want the girl to get back on time.

Then came the call - she was just leaving her place, and as she googled again she realized the place she picked was a 30 min walk. Should she take an Uber, or?? Then she says she’ll text me the address of somewhere closer to her. I agree to get off the phone

Bitch, I’m not useRound(love you, man. Or something). I count to 500, then text that I got another meeting that I might be late to, then drive closer to my 3pm m&g.

Park nearby, hang at a coffee shop I dig, gripe about recent offenses to those who will listen (thank you!). 3pm approaches, I put my stuff in the car and head to the bar we’re meeting at.

Sign says private party today so it’s closed. Come back Friday.

It is Friday, so I try the door. Lol nope. Look at hours on window. Opens at 4. Not first rodeo, I’d checked this online. Positive it said 3! Give a honkey a break.

I text my date status update as she parks, then bring up a map to review options nearby.

Some old woman walking by asks if I can help her find an address on the street. This always happens to me - back since high school when I didn’t have what I consider my current sexy confident swagger, others have taken me for somebody who can help them find things. Record stores, university campuses, and today - a street I’ve been on 3 times in my life.

The bars off by 2 on the street number, either side doesn’t have the address. I ask what she’s looking for and she shows me. I tell her I’m new here - as she walks away I google the name and realize it’s about 5 blocks away. I look around, don’t see her. She’ll be back, I have good info. It’ll look good to help her in front of my date. I’m crafty. And I go back to looking for alternative bars.

Then I glance up as she approaches. Play it cool, honey bunny. She has to have a degree in understated elegance. Boots, jeans, body suit and a smile. I can’t screw this one up, so I focus. We wander down the block to another bar…

So - I have to talk about her profile. The text is good and appeals in a unique way, but the one public pic - worse than any profile review I’ve seen here. Shapeless body pic from under her chest to waist. What? Who thinks they have a chance getting anywhere on SA with that??? I think I could eBay a frilly shirt, grab a camera and best it. But out of morbid curiosity, I clicked. She had a few private pics. It was probably late, I was definitely sleep deprived and bored. So I sent a message.

And we…sorta clicked? But her pics seemed way too good to be true. I was about to be catfished, obviously. And now I sit here sleepless (don’t say it) on a Friday night wondering if she was really serious when she texted a while ago saying she couldn’t wait to see me again.

Thanks SLF - I dig the community,

To the person who’s put up my antics the last week or two and made a particularly great suggestion - she said I was awesome because of that. I owe you a housewarming gift.