Hello SLF. I am new to SRs, have been lurking for a while and really appreciate all the thoughtful information and advice here.

A question as I (an aspiring SD) start to pursue a few POTs who seem really sweet and want to take things slow. I’m sort of old fashioned myself. Back when I dated before being married there was the expectation that you would meet a few times, at some point start kissing, then move to second and third base (petting, mutual mast., oral) before getting to the “home run” and having full-on PIV sex.

I know things are more casual in dating these days and often people just hook up on the first date. But sugaring seems like a context in which people need to get comfortable with each other over time, given the scams and risks and so on. And so much anxiety here seems focused on the discussion about the arrangement, which presumes full intimacy begins when financial support begins.

So my question for you all is: have you been successful at suggesting an arrangement that is more naturally about intimacy that is not immediately PIV sex? Isn’t that something that would be satisfyingly intimate, yet less intimidating for the SB? If so, how does this work out with respect to the principle I keep seeing here that there should be no PPM until there intimacy? Setting aside that this rule sounds transactional, it also seems unnatural. Wouldn’t it make sense to scale up the degree of intimacy and also scale up the financial gifts/PPM/allowance as the relationship becomes more intimate? Personally, I would be quite pleased to take things slowly and naturally if we started to get playful and I saw there was a future that could lead to full intimacy. I also feel like proposing sex after a single first platonic date seems abrupt.

It just seems like there is a platonic/sex divide always assumed here for each date, when from my perspective a lot of intermediate steps would be mutually enjoyable and welcome. Any thoughts or experiences? Thank you.