Hi guys (and gals),

I'm grateful to have found this community. I have searched and haven't found my exact question and know that it is coming from someone who is a relative newbie at being a SD.

My goal in creating an account on SA was to find someone who I could have a real friends with benefits type arrangement with - someone who I had actual chemistry with and we would take a real interest in each other's lives. Honestly, I'm even flexible on the "benefits" if I could find something that feels real.

Here's my question. I've found a few girls in the last year or so that I feel like I've really connected with . They all tell me the same thing. I'm not like anyone they've met, I'm super sweet, they rarely even bring up money or ask for anything beyond a gift when we meet. They legit seem interested in me and not just my wallet. I've enjoyed each of them. I love getting let into their world a little through messaging or snapchat. I've been able to encourage/mentor in a way that seems helpful to them an is rewarding to me. But, I'm also finding myself to be a bit of a wreck emotionally lately.

I know we aren't supposed to have feelings. The thing is - if I just wanted a hookup, I could find that anywhere. I desire a deeper connection, but that same connection also tends to completely mess with me emotionally sometimes.

Here's an example... but it is one that I keep managing to repeat somehow: A sugarbaby goes to great lengths via messaging to tell me how she's never met anyone like me, how no one makes her as happy as I do, etc. But, she's very active on the SA site and other dating sites. When we're together, it's amazing. And, when she does choose to message, it's a lot of fun. She is constantly telling me how special I am to her. But, I also see enough of her social media to know that I'm probably just one of many. And, she can go from frequent messaging to nothing for a week or longer at a time. When we're engaging with each other - it's just terrific. But, then it stops for a while and I know that's because something or someone else has grabbed her attention.

I don't even know what my question is, honestly. When we're together, it feels very exclusive for that amount of time at least. I don't expect exclusivity and I'm not looking for a mate. Yet, when you take the time to really get to know someone and become part of their world, it does hurt when that goes away for a while or when it becomes evident that the part of their world you're getting to be part of is a lot smaller than you once thought. I go from this emotional high when we're together to this level of discouragement/low when she isn't responding. Rinse and repeat.

I'm just doing this all wrong, aren't I? I'd sure welcome some insight/wisdom from others. This is supposed to be fun and I've had some great experiences... but feel like I keep getting hurt when the expectations I've formed from our discussions doesn't come to match reality.

Am I just expecting too much? Is what I'm ultimately looking for really not a sugar relationship at all?

Thanks for your thoughts and insights. I do appreciate any responses!