SUMMARY — A post about a failed but fun attempt at an M4M arrangement this past week. It's long, so don't read if you mind a little storytelling. Some light NSFW graphic depictions.

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MEETING, MOTIVES

On a visit to Northern California last Friday, this one young man working in my hotel’s breakfast area would not take his eyes off me. I thought he was rather bold with his staring, and if I’m being honest I would have been sneaking peeks whether he noticed me or not. He was my kinda handsome. I left my business card on the table. He texted me within 15 minutes. He was working until 1p, and my checkout was 11a. We agreed to meet for lunch, away from his workplace.

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He’s been in the US since 2016 on asylum from a central American country and his English isn’t great. His shyness dissipates with his ability to freely communicate in his language, since I’m a native Spanish-speaker myself. I ask him about his journey to California, and he tells me about trekking through Mexico, being detained in Texas and Chicago for more than a month as a minor, and finally being released in Los Angeles. He’s committed to regularly checking in with immigration, like a parolee, until his case is decided & finalized. He works at a major hotel chain making $15/hr and knows his next two court-related dates by heart. I ask him what his plan is if he’s ultimately denied and deported. He doesn’t know, but won’t go back to his home country. He’d love to see Spain. Take a young man to Spain? Done that. But he can’t leave the US until his residency status is settled, which has already taken years and may take several more.

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He doesn’t just volunteer this information. I’m bad at small talk, so I tend to ask deeper personal questions right off, and he seems comfortable sharing. Despite his uncertain future, he’s got a happy-go-lucky outlook. He doesn’t have that down-and-out persona that comes through when someone is desperate. He’s got a job and works his butt off. He seems happy, clever enough, and also wants to know about me. Just a sweet and funny and curious kid with obvious Daddy issues.

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I’m touched by his life path, and he’s obviously got the hots for me even though I’m well over twice his age (20/47). I share with him that I’m looking for a sidekick that can live and work and travel with me. He tells me he’s pretty sure he messaged me on Seeking (!) before, and by the way he’s got the next month off of work because the hotel is remodeling. He needs to show up to court in about 4 weeks, but says he’s in vacation mode until then and ready to go anywhere in the US, especially with me.

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I normally spend at least 4 weeks just building up trust, including multiple meets, before offering someone to live and travel with me. Still, how could I pass this up? Yeah I was smitten, but he hit some of my major triggers, particularly mentoring him since he mentioned he was good with spreadsheets, and helping him work toward a solid Plan B of living in Spain or some other country if he gets denied by the US. I’m sure I cared more about his future than he did at this point, but frankly the ability to make a difference in this kind of young man’s life is much, much more compelling to me than any amount of sex or money.

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TEST DRIVE

So, off he ran with me, on a few conditions. 1. We’d spend three days on a roadtrip together to see how we get along. 2. Be honest in examining why it might not work and mature if it doesn’t. 3. If it’s only lust with otherwise lazy behavior, I’m out. 4. If everything goes well, he’d spend a month with me outside California but in the US, returning in time for his next court date. Who knows if he was paying attention? He probably would have agreed to anything. He grabbed a few things from his apartment, paid his rent a month ahead (good sign of responsibility), and hopped in my car.

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OK, I confess he was A LOT of fun sexually. The most fun I’ve had in years, not least because he was so adorable and so into getting it from me. He made sure I freeballed for his easy access, and would blow me while I was driving and constantly kept me aroused in public to see whose eye I’d catch. He said he loved showing me off. He’d wake me up in the middle of the night once or twice to do him. Again.

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When I tried to show him the work I do, he’d turn my chin toward him, tell me how handsome I was, and we’d end up making out. I wanted to go on a coastal hike; he wanted to fuck. At the beach I wanted to swim; he didn’t know how and was afraid of the ocean. I worked out; he sat scrolling through his social media. I worked on my laptop and met with a client; he slept.

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It took me just about 3 days to be fully convinced all he wanted was to be a kept sextoy. I’m a little slow sometimes. =P Three days is fine but if that’s literally all we’ve got and you’re not working toward any goals nor helping me with mine, I’m bored by day 4.

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SUGAR DIET

Sugar is his primary source of nutrition. Orange Fanta at breakfast, with pancakes drowning in three kinds of syrup. Powdered sugar on his sweet potato fries. Cheesecake. Whipped cream on his white mocha with extra sugar. He’s a skinny cute thing for now, but it’s hard not to see him with diabetes long before he’s my age. He’s grossed out by vegetables, and picks anything green out of his food. He never finishes anything he orders, and accumulates a collection of half-eaten desserts, burgers, pizza & fries in take-away containers. He gets a little bitchy WITH ME when I ask if he’s actually going to eat days-old food that’s been sitting in my car.

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He’s self-conscious about eating in front of people who aren’t simultaneously eating with him. So to make him feel better, I have to order food even though I’m not hungry. This only happened once, but over-eating as much as I actually did made me feel gross and sluggish for days. I hate that feeling; it makes me grumpy.

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ENDING IT

Our 4th morning together, he wants my assessment — “What do you think of me so far?” he asks eagerly. Let me preface the answer by saying I had just gone to get something out of the car when I felt a lot of bee activity as I walked toward it, buzzing uncomfortably close to my face the closer I got. I noticed I left the sunroof cracked open in the up position. The bees were flying in to get, you’ll never guess — the pools of syrup from homeboy’s leftover pancakes swimming in a busted to-go container.

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I was enraged for about 60 seconds, upset with myself for letting things get to this point on a hygienic level, and already starting to feel in a predictable trap. And then a huge sense of relief, and quite frankly comedy, came over me. The bees made it so much easier to end things. There would be no difficulty or hesitation in telling him this was never gonna work.

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I was brutally honest with him that his overall behavior wasn’t consistent with the kind of self-improvement I need to surround myself with. I carefully chose my words so he didn’t feel personally attacked. However, I was cold and matter-of-fact because I don’t know how else he would have taken me seriously. Besides, I’m not good at pretending to be happy and my decision was definitely final. “We’ve been getting along so well and haven’t argued once. Why did you wait until now to tell me?!” he asked me in Spanish with a furrowed brow. I reminded him about testing the waters for 3 days, and that it only fully crystallized for me moments before I told him.

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He was stunned. He sat on the edge of the bed, catatonic, for a good 45 minutes. His happy demeanor had changed. His shoulders slumped. His face was very sad and confused, staring at the ground, looking like he wanted to cry. I knew nothing I could say would make him feel better without opening a door I didn't want to re-open, so I let him be.

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Eventually he came back to life. He very sweetly took my hand, caressed my beard and told me that although I was harsh and could have told him in a nicer way, that he was so happy we met, he thanked me for a very special three days, and that he’d never forget me. He didn’t apologize which I oddly respect, but neither was he defensive, nor did he try to change my mind or get dramatic. He was very… humble.

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There was still the matter of the bees, of which there were now dozens buzzing inside and around my car. I told him he needed to deal with it. After hesitating a couple times, he rather bravely ran the container filled with syrup and bees to the nearest trash can, half a block away. He was running down the street, cursing the entire time in Spanish, being his funny self again as the bees chased but fortunately did not sting. He threw out the rest of the leftover food, except for cheesecake which he ate on the spot with a huge, yeah-fuck-you grin aimed right at me. We both had a sense of humor about it.

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He was a sweetheart on the 4-hour drive home, staring at me the entire way with a sad twinkle in his eye, saying repeatedly how much he liked me and that he hopes we meet again someday.

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EPILOGUE

I knew what I might be getting into, hence my conditions. Notably, I had reminded myself that I’ve regretted the things I haven’t done in life, more than things I have done. Three fun days with a cute gay boy so into me was not a huge risk to take to find out he wasn’t the one. Honestly, I wish I could figure out as definitively whether I liked anyone or not in 3 days or less, rather than spending way more time than that online, just trying to find a decent match.

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Although it didn’t pan out, I don’t regret taking a chance at what brings me fulfillment. Thanks for reading.