Anyone else got experience with something similar? Maybe its more of a rant as I feel I need to get this off my chest....

So me and her are in an exclusive SR since late summer and I think we had a good start and chemistry. She on the younger side of 20, I am in my mid thirties. After a month we switched from PPM to allowance, last month I have actually increase her monthly a bit.

No surprise that I started having some feelings for her, If I didnt care about any connection, I wouldnt have gotten into an SR in the first place, but I always kept this myself as it would not be fair to burden her with this. I was happy with going for the friendship, despite the occasionally internalized jealousy.

We always talked about what will happen after our SR is over (as I will leave the country in a few months) and we basically positioned ourselves slowly more as friends with benefits, she also opened up a bit after her past and didnt mind to share her issues, so I sort of got the feeling that she is happy to share those. This assumption might be my mistake no.1.

Also -as we talk as friends - I have gotten on her twitter and Instagram, which she wasnt entirely sure will be good, but she allowed it. Probably mistake no.2. She would occasionally share some emotional unhappiness for which I of course tried to question her as I wanted to help her, but she would really not really share. I was mostly worried she is really happy and simply concerned as a friend. In the end I maybe became too concerned if she is comfortable in the SR relationship, I didn't want to feel like using a friend.

Anyways, we did some travel together and we even have a 1 week trip intercontinental planned in 2 weeks, so apart from a few recently 'less successful dates', where she seemed a tad in a hurry, nothing seemed off.

Few days ago she mentioned about her consideration to delete her social media accounts, which I actually encourated. Rather surprised I was however when instead I found myself blocked on her twitter (with a clear 'you are blocked' message). I confronted her with an apology and plea that she should just tell me if she is uncomfortable with something (As I have always asked her to do). She said she deactivated her account, but I know its likely not true as it simply doesnt give you the blocked message on twitter. Might have been a panic lie on her side.

Anyways, we got to chat and she mentioned that she doesnt have experience in keeping friendship and arrangement on the same platform that she needs some private space. I again can understand it, but again if we are to be friends, I would consider twitter to be the friend space, where ultimately she shares her private concerns with 1500 strangers, but I am the one who is blocked. So I dont really know how to feel about this. Do I take this too seriously?

Of course (my bad) I have some feelings for her, so I kept myself consciously in the friendzone. Now being pushed from the friendzone in to the arrangement zone -- feels weird to me, with a solid punch of disappointment (also since she wasnt totally honest) and sadness. She is 20-something and maybe simply not experienced enough to consider honesty to include 'saying the uncomfortable things too'?

I will see her in person in a few days, but I frankly dont know how to deal with this. Do I just not mention this anymore? Do I still talk to her about it? Or is our SR doomed?

p.s. I have a transcript of the chat if anyone cares, but not sure it makes a difference

Update1 - well so far I got an afternoon greeting from her with a smiley that she is looking forward for tomorrows dinner. Maybe its not all lost yet. Guess the key will be how much I will want to bring up discussion what happened and if I can keep my tongue behind my teeth about the small lie of hers...

UPDATE 2 - seems we are still on good terms so far. I apologized for sometimes finding it difficult to balance the two worlds and that I will give her a bit more space. I indirectly hinted and knowing she 'blocked' me, but I kept my mouth shut and didnt confront her straight out about lying about it. Instead I just said that for her own sake, be it with me or others, she needs to be more outspoken regardless of the potential consequences. Honest meaning that she needs to be brutally honest if she is bothered by something. All in all we had an actually really great evening and our trip is still on as well.....