I (25F) am in an amazing arrangement that has gone on for over a year. As much as I try not to think about such things, I am curious if anyone else here has had similar conflict in thoughts and if they’ve managed to work through them to reach some resolution. I’ve found that my perspective on relationships, especially monogamy and marriage, has really shifted being in the bowl.

I have been in two long term arrangements including the one I am in now, and with my experience as a whole, I’ve met men who, in many ways, are kind, generous, emotionally available, and genuinely good to me. But often, I know these same men might be married, sometimes openly estranged or separated from their wives, but other times still actively presenting themselves as loyal husbands while quietly maintaining affairs. It’s made me question a lot of my existing ideals around romantic love, fidelity, and lifelong partnership.

Seeing this side of relationships, I can’t help but feel disenchanted with the whole idea of marriage, and the traditional trajectory of love → marriage → kids. I find myself questioning if I even want it and wondering: is this realistic for most people? Or is it more about appearances and social expectations than actual exclusivity?

On top of that, I sometimes feel fear around the idea of becoming the woman clueless about my husband’s indiscretions. I acknowledge that I’m young and in a position to benefit from this dynamic, but it’s made me hesitant to invest in the idea of a conventional future when I’ve seen what can happen behind closed doors.

So for other women who’ve been or are currently in the bowl: have you come out of it able to return to or embrace traditional dating and marriage? Did it permanently change how you see men, monogamy, or yourself in relationships?