He was my main SD and relationship. We were together for years and it really felt real. Days at his place every week, phone calls to talk about nothing, traveling to amazing places. He was the first person I’d want to tell if anything nice happened and I loved the simplicity of our relationship. Our interests aligned perfectly and he opened up his life to me. I met all his closest friends, played with his toddler, hung out with his brother, stayed with his parents. There was never any pressure to try and fit in, to act a certain way. We worked because we were a good match and he was incredible. At times I didn't want to take any support from him and it felt wrong asking.

He had another girl on the side. He took her on trips that he never invited me on. She left things at his place and even if he tried to hide it, I would find reminders everywhere that she was there. I’d see her posts on social media and they’d look so happy together. She really loved him and shared the relationship with her friends and family.

I had another long-distance SD on the side too. Our times were spent at his luxury condos, Michelin restaurants, exotic cars, four seasons/aman stays. I hated the nights out and found it exhausting to keep up with his lifestyle. Our backgrounds were impossible to relate on. We hardly talked when apart except to figure out logistics for our next time together. I never fully understood him but he loved me. We worked out because I evolved our relationship to be work-based and intertwined with his company. He’s paying for my school and if I asked for something, he’d say yes. He’d help me whether we had time to see each other or not. Being with him allowed me to not worry about thousands in loans.

Back to the main relationship. We were both guilty. It’d break my heart when he wouldn’t pick up my call and I knew it was because he was with the other girl. I’m not sure he chose her first for trips because he knew I was flying out to meet someone else or because he preferred her, but it hurt me to know I was the second choice. It got to the point where I always felt a heavy sadness when we were apart. It was jealousy that made it so we couldn’t be together. I couldn't stand the thought of him choosing her over me for anything. I broke us up and blocked him on everything. He tried reaching out in every ways - calling from another number, mailing a letter, emails even to my work address.

He couldn't let go of the other girl because he loved her. I couldn't let go of my other SD because he was funding my education.

Logically, we both should be happy. He gets to be with the other girl - she’s beautiful and loves him so much more than I did. I get a low-maintenance arrangement so that I’m able to stay near my school and my tuition is paid. We are no longer trying to catch each other in lies and the feeling of hurt and jealousy have subdued. I know I have no right to be upset or hold anything against him when we both did the exact same wrongs. I was the one who broke us up.

Emotionally, I feel like I’ve loved and lost. He gets to be in an amazing relationship with the other girl. They'll travel and experience life together. I get my other SD, who I'll never be naturally compatible with, who I have to fly across the country and sometimes ocean to see.

Not a day goes by that I don’t think of and miss him. If I kept my feelings more neutral, if I didn’t care about the other girl, if I just accepted the support in exchange for time together, we could have worked. We never agreed to exclusivity because neither of us could be truthful. I lost an amazing relationship because we both had someone on the side that we couldn't let go of and I couldn't live with the jealousy.

TLDR: I broke up with SD because we both had other relationships on the side that we couldn't let go of and the jealousy consumed me.