"No falling in love" was the only rule she gave me. SGF was immaculate, what I had always looked for in a woman and I fell hopelessly in love with her. She kept boundaries, kept distance and we had a bad argument. She told me I wasn't looking for a sugar babe but a regular girlfriend and I should go to another website, she suggested, to find one.

On that regular affairs website I realised, it was different to SA, and i was back to playing the dating game, on hard. However, I managed to get some attention and within a couple of weeks found what I had thought was a soul mate. She was exactly what I was looking for, brunette, half my age and we shared so many interests. It was a whirelwind romance.

The sex though, omg it was OFF THE CHARTS! I'd been in a dead bedroom for years and now I was with a woman that didn't know how to say no. Anything I could imagine she was up for doing and actually threw herself into with passion and generally escalated whatever I had thought of, or suggested. I learnt the hard lesson though, attached to every great pussy was a crazy woman.

A few months in and she dropped the L word. She was in love with me. I knew it. I cared for her, deeply, she was an amazing woman but she also had her moments of extreme rage. She was wholly unsuitable as a life partner quite apart from the fact she was engaged to a man, and living with him, and I was married and had a young daughter.

Still the fun and games continued and I rekindled things with my original SGF. I felt like a dog with two tails: one sugar girlfriend and one vanilla girlfriend (OK, with sugary undertones) who just adored me. Both were beautiful, both were amazing. SGF kept her boundaries, never told me she loved me, but was utterly devoted to me. My other girlfriend just fell heavier and heavier in love with me.

VGF started to get nasty about my wife, I only ever praised her fiance and said her future was with him. He was patient, calm, exactly what she needed. She was given to fits of rage and was neuro diverse, strongly. As am I.

Our sexual oddysey continued, things became more extreme, we were taking part in orgies, roleplay, there were very few limits for us. We both felt we were at an all you can eat buffet, and we were both starving hungry.

Then, she dropped the bomb shell. She was pregnant. It was mine.

She had come to the affairs website because she had been dead bedrommed and had a vivacious, wild and exotic sexual appatite. I had come to the affairs website because whilst SGF gave me a taste of what I wanted, it was a snack rather than what I needed. VGF gave me everythinig but would be wholly bad as a life partner. She had a termination. I knew it would always be there, always something that was between us but I didn't realise how much.

I figured if I could keep her under control, where she was, then everything would be OK. She had her fiance, her house, her life she wouldn't jeopordise that stability for a married guy and so I let it roll. We continued. However slowly, but surely things escalated again.

Her jealousy of me became more and more crazy. Her demands of me became just overwhelming and I couldn't possibly deliver everything she wanted whilst keeping my marriage going. I still figured though whilst she had her fiance she would hold onto that and I would always be a side thing and that suited me. I was clear I could not give her a family, I was way to old to wake up to feed a baby at 03:00 in the morning. This she accepted but she was conflicrted. She was absolutely in love with me to an almost obsessional level.

Despite having navigated the pregnancy the second bombshell hit. Her fiance found out everything. Absoluely everything about her and me. Videos, discussions, pictures, dates, times, the wild sex orgies we'd gone to. He found the lot. Needless to say he felt absolutely betrayed and reacted, well, badly.

Amazingly she kept the relationship with him going. We semi broke up, but we still kept contacted. Thing is, amazing woman, half your age, lavishing love and affection whilst you are in a marriage closer to a lodger set up, it's hard to resist. Things were back, we were planning our next sexploits and he found out again that her and I were back to normal.

She also found out, she was pregnant, by him this time. I was overjoyed for her but this led her to a real decision to make. He would not accept her seeing me (which I can't really be suprised about) but she was now bound to him, for life, with a child, something they shared together.

I've totally fucked her life up by being selfish. He was not right for her, that's why she was cheating. I kept her with him as I knew it protected me. Now she is going to have a baby with a man she doesn't love, and who is not right for her, who she is bound to for life because I wanted her on the side, but not full time. I should have let her go, so she could've found a life time partner suitable for her.

Today I feel more awful than I ever have done in the past. I've hurt 3 people: her, her partner and an unborn baby. I've scared them for life.