I’m probably about to get sick.

So I’m f22 and have been sugaring since February this year and met a guy I really liked almost right away. He’s in his 40s with 2 older kids and divorced, but both moms are definitely in the picture, so I know I’ll never amount to anything in these kids lives.

He told me right off the bat that I’ll never be as important to him as his kids are. I found it endearing, since I thought he was just being a good dad…. And then he fell in love with me, and I feel really strongly about him too.

The more I write, the more stupid I feel. We have been exclusive from the beginning but I am sooo keenly aware of the fact that I am missing out on meeting boys my own age.

I just told my former SD (now boyfriend who just helps me out) this and he started crying, and then I started crying.

He has been pushing me towards marriage recently, but I don’t want to marry a 40 year old, period. I also don’t want to always be second place, and have our future kids be second important, and have to move where he tells us to so he can be closer to his kids, even though I would be farther from my own family.

I just know I’m going to miss his constant love, adoration, and support. He is central to my life and we spend almost every second together. I just can’t commit to him though, and I think I pretty much just broke up with him on the phone /: