I made a post a few days ago about my failed SRs because of my mistakes of jumping right into the monthly allowance and getting rinsed. I have been feeling terrible since then. Many of you supported a lot, reached out to me via private messages and I couldn’t be more grateful to this community.

I felt I was getting better as days were passing by but it feels like it’s not the case yet. I understand that it may take time. I think I was emotionally invested in the SR (specially the first one). However I’m still struggling to see why do I miss that considering she took my money and hardly agreed for sex (like we were having sex once per month while me spending xx,xxx per month). I am definitely not into Findom but yes, I don’t have family or friends here as I’m an immigrant.

I think I am unable to get over the feeling that I let her use me for money and I’m still missing the SR - it’s kind of I’m hating myself and not forgiving. I know I will benefit greatly meeting someone in person (anyone) but I only got this online community.

I am definitely not going to get back into SR. I’m just struggling how to be normal.

I wish I had never entered the bowl at all!