It's been five long months since my [F26] and I [M62] broke up. I saw it coming and I even encouraged her to explore the feelings she was beginning to have for a vanilla BF. I knew about him but he didn't know about me and she continued to see us both for about 4 months before our breakup. It was a great SD/SB arrangement for almost 5 years we had! That's right....4.5 years of meeting almost every week! Five and six times a month meetups. Trips. Gifts. Cash. Rent. Down payments. Jewelry. All the trappings of a great arrangement. We laughed. We played. We cried. We had serious discussions about me leaving my wife and running off around the world and enjoying the life of an 'age gap' couple. Skreeech.......

Hell, I knew it was a fantasy. She told me her 'body clock' was talking to her and she was ready to maybe get out of the SB lifestyle and find a serious BF that she could consider husband material. Our break up was mutual but still, I was very sad once it happened. The feelings were real and we used the 'L' word about two years in. I know I'm a special person in her life and she is in mine. And I knew it was temporary as 99% of these lifestyle arrangements are.

No contact for five months until two weeks ago. She sent an innocent, sweet message over the holidays wishing me a Merry Christmas and that it was very weird to not be together over the holidays like we had the previous 4 years! We texted a few messages back and forth but all were innocent and not romantic or sexual. Her bday is this month and I told her that I had picked out a special card way before we broke up and that I thought she'd like it. I suggested we meet so I could give her the card in person and 'catch up' with all of our current events.

She canceled the afternoon of our coffee date with an excuse that she needed to meet friends who called unexpectedly. I get it. Things come up. Or maybe she got 'cold feet'. Either way, I do wish her the best but I do miss her.

I know she traded me in for a younger model and a vanilla BF. I was never going to be Mr. Forever. I'm sure she thought long and hard about breaking up with me. She's had to get a job, and a roommate (the BF is the new roomie) and cut way back on expenses since leaving our arrangement. She's tasting what most 26 y.o. females are doing....earning a living. I was probably a fantasy in her life, too. She even talked about how little she takes home on her W2 since taxes are being taken out. lol Her allowance with me wasn't taxed. She's feeling the pinch. Don't think I'm wishing her ill will on her! I'm not at all but I'm also not ready to cover any expenses if there is no sugar in return. I can be a mentor and friend but not an ATM.

So, this ole SD who is showing more salt than pepper in his hair these days has tried to 'get back up' and get into the sugar bowl again. Yuck is about all I can say. I can't find POT SBs with want natural platonic/intimate dates without me being 'verified'. I met my long-term SB on a dating app....not an SB app. Maybe that's a difference....it's all about transactional meetings on the SB apps. We knew about each other's lives almost from day number 1 and our 'arrangement' was much more organic (and honest) than the two or three texts on the SB apps that talk about how much and what's expected. It's been suggested that this was a hint to get back together. I doubt it based on our history of communication but you never know. But either way, the situation is just yucky.

OK...I'm off my soap box and would love to hear advice from others who have 'Been there. Done that.'

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