That title sounds odd- but let me explain. I came across a post on this forum of a SD complaining about how his SB comes over, gets high, and then either falls asleep or saves what I believe was something like 6 minutes for intimacy. He posted out of frustration and said that when she realized he was rethinking the arrangement became more interactive.

The wild thing is that I’m seeing more and more posts like these. And on the opposite end of the spectrum, SDs posting about why should they need to keep giving an allowance if they enjoy each other’s company.

It’s insanity on both ends and in my opinion, I think maybe a bit more formality might help. Formality of mindset.

SD: “I have an obligation in this dynamic to make sure she is financially taken care of in the ways that work specifically for us. I want her to leave her feeling spoiled.“

SB: “I have an obligation to in this dynamic to show up in the ways he needs and wants me to. I want to make sure he feels lucky to have spent time with me.”

Here’s how I see things: in a typical relationship, I don’t always show up perfectly. While there is nothing wrong with that, what I’ve always thought makes sugar relationships special is that because you’re not always on you get to only show your best self.

I’ve always hated the comparison of SBs to escorts, because in my world- men aren’t ever going to be paying me for sex. They’re paying me to show up as perfectly as I can. To look beautiful and be personable, enjoyable company. To be appreciative and save my grievances.

Perhaps I’m in the wrong, but… my opinion stands:

Ladies, SDs aren’t your boyfriend and the informality will probably be viewed as disrespect/disregard. Without you even realizing you can lose an arrangement you really enjoy because you stopped making sure to keep making him feel spoiled too.

Men, stop asking for 4 or 5 nights a week and expecting your SB to show up in the ways I imagine you want. Stop offering PPMs that won’t even cover both of her Ubers. If you want a girl that would make other men jealous, treat her in ways that would make other women jealous. That’s the whole premise of this thing we’re all doing.

(Disclaimer for the person that will undoubtedly argue that ‘some arrangements DO progress to genuine relationships’- you’re right. But, speaking as someone whose been in more than one successful one of those, there still very much is an expectation of you showing up for him in a specific fashion- in the exact same manner in which you’d always still expect him to provide. Making sense?

I get that every arrangement is different just like every relationship is different- but as a general statement I do believe this to be true.)