The sun has finally set on my (62M) and my sb (25F) arrangement. Made it almost 5 years. You can see some additional details of our almost breakup a few months ago in my earlier posts. We have met consistently 4-5 times a month with lunches or dinners or trips (with plenty of sex every week) for well over 4 years. We caught feelings for each other about two years ago and we discussed running off and spending the rest of our lives together. I would leave my wife and move to Hawaii together. I happily supplied her with tuition for her master's. Her apartment rent. Kept jewelry on her ears and fingers and kept her purse filled with spending money. What started as a usual SD/SB arrangement mainly for s*x and companionship grew into a deep ‘love’ for each other. Oh, at least I thought it was a deep love. I think it is a special kind of love from her, too.

I FEEL THE FOOL. I've always known that sailing off into the sunset together was a fantasy. I'm married and throwing it away for the 37-year age gap difference is foolish.

Thankfully, I didn't get my SB pregnant (we talked about it a few times), divorce my wife (and lose 1/2 of everything), or change the will (I had a small savings account going to her should I die).

But it still hurts.

Yes, this old man who had a 37-year age gap with a young, hot, sexy woman got caught up in his own selfish feelings. (I can almost hear the mocked 'boo-hoo' coming back in the response.) lol

Yes. It still hurts.

Sugar relationships have a beginning (hotter than hell!), a middle (Can it get any better?), and an end (Just sucks!). We broke up this past weekend. She started seeing a POT BF 5 months ago while also seeing me. I found out about their relationship and confronted her. We agreed to be more truthful with each other. She would carry on seeing me while she explored her vanilla relationship with him. They had a huge argument and she quit seeing him and began seeing me again about three months ago (much to my delight). Recently She had begun being quiet on her texts and I would see her 'liking' his IG posts again. He's baaaaack.

Yes, she is seeing him again and I confronted her with this past weekend. She confessed she was not enjoying 'living two lives: A sugar life and a vanilla life' The BF doesn’t know about me and would not be happy if he found out. I agreed that she needs to explore this vanilla relationship with him and I will go away quietly. She deserves to be happy, get married, and have babies if that's what she wants. I need to act my age and work on my marriage.

I appreciate all the fun we shared with my SB. I'm trying not to focus on the events of our breakup. I wish her well and true love.

But it still hurts.

Time heals all wounds. This, too, will pass. One day at a time. Remember the takeaway....a beginning, a middle, and an end.

Edit: I didn’t want to acknowledge what I knew was inevitable. The end.

So, I wrote her an email yesterday. Prob should have just let it be but felt this past weekend's convo was so short that I didn’t say all the things I wanted to. It read more like a thank you and goodbye letter than a plea to return to old times. I wished her all the love and happiness and I only want the best for her. Leading two lives of sugar and vanilla isn’t fair to her (or me) and she needs to explore her vanilla relationship. I also told her that the weekly sugar payments would be stopping. I did leave the door open to meet her as a 'dear friend' if/when she wanted to meet but the ball is in her court as I will not be contacting her first.

We had a great 5 years. We shared fun times. I treated her like a queen and she made me feel like a king. It was my secret vacation from reality for 4 1/2 years.

She was my fun companion. We laughed. We giggled. We fucked like school kids. And we talked for hours. And did this for 4 1/2 years and 4-5 times a month.

Yes, it still hurts but I'd do it all over again.