tldr: I'd love to submit to a woman and be dressed up by her in pretty girly things.

I've loved the thought of being feminised, just a little, since forever ago, wearing soft and frilly, naughty little things in the privacy of my own home and cute panties out and about under my man clothes.

Many moons ago, when I was a much younger (and lonelier) man, I found the oft whispered idea of panty sniffing rather appealing (I guess that sprung from never getting close enough to what lay beneath them). This eventually lead to finding a thriving online marketplace of sellers whose wares (and wears!) I would bid for and hope to win.

I lived in shared housing at the time, so even then, secrecy was part of the thrill, as I would rush home every day after my order to see if my post had arrived, wait until my housemates were all occupied to get out my treasure.

What began as simply sniffing the pretty intimates, that had traveled the world to be in my possession, while I got myself off, eventually became wrapping the soft, frilly or lacy treats around myself and at the end of their shelf life, blowing my load into, at which point I would covertly have to put them in (and obviously take them out of) the shared washing machine (I wouldn't want my housemates tossing out my clothes only to find those without me having an excuse!!), only for them to begin a new life! That kind of went hand in hand with my confidence growing and chatting back and forth with the sellers, some of which were a little kinkier and expressed their interest in seeing me in their former underwear.

Well the submissive in me was keen for their attention, so I eventually caved (it honestly didn't take much!), so when the house was silent, I'd indulge. Eventually my buying habits changed and it wasn't just knickers I was buying, but bra and pantie sets, teddies and thongs, corsets and the like, just so that I could dress up and show off.

I only once dared to wear anything feminine out in public. It was a pretty pink small microfiber boyshort from a memorable seller who chatted with me often. I wore it to work one day for her and I recall being really very apprehensive about anybody noticing, so I wore boxers over them, as well as being in my regular office attire or a shirt and trousers!

Over the many years since, I'm sure the marketplace has only matured and evolved, but I recall searching desperately for a woman to softly dominate me online, to "make me" go into a physical store and buy myself some lingerie before having me recount my (pleasurable) humiliation to her, showing her the outcome, and have her instruct me when and where to wear my panties out and about in public, but I never made that right match and it never happened; Now, I imagine I might much more easily find someone to do just that, but that's not something within my reach any more as life has moved on.

A long time has passed since back then, I got rid of all my naughty indulgences, but I still have a few of the photos, and obviously I reminisce, however I still recall the thrill, only I can't put my finger on exactly what it was about the experience that made it what it was, when asked to explain it, I just couldn't put the right words to it.

I only wish I could express my submissive nature more nowadays and that same fetish. I know I'd find someone eager to take my money, but also the take me under her wing, to encourage me to dress up for them, gather the evidence and have me post it to r/hewearspanties, r/men_in_panties and/or r/crossdresser_closet, all the things I'd not be brave enough to attempt now that I'm a little more mature. Gosh, if only I was younger again, I don't know how aroused I'd be at the humiliation of having my pictures used as the source material for captions at r/crossdressercaptions or r/cutesissycaptions.

Sorry for the length (I'm not sure I've said that before!) but finding this sub, reading the sticky, and contemplating a text post, it gave me a chance to get something off my chest! I might follow up with more expressions of my submissive fantasies if I'm so inclined. 😊