Despite what many may think or initially feel.

Being in a dom/sub dynamic is hard work and intense for both parties.

As a dom, we need to be 5 steps ahead of our sub.

When we are with you, we are trying to take in every little movement, every sound. Trying to understand our action and your reaction, slowly painting a picture, with all of these details.

When we arent with you, We're constantly thinking about scenarios/scenes in our head. " How can i make next time even better ?", "how can I introduce this in to the next scene, I know she likes it ?", "The last time I did this, what can I do to make it more intense ?"

We put in the work, you see it's because of that picture we're trying to paint. The more detail it is, the better it will be.

The flip side to this. Is we put subs through their paces, they're being pushed, unsure if they are doing a good job, not wanting to mess up. It's hard.

Where am I going with this?

I have come to learn that not everyone who calls themselves a Dom, does the above.

Push back on your doms outside of scene. Put THEM through their paces, push THEM to prove to you that they're a good Dom. Ask THEM to tell you what they can do or are doing to be a better dom.

And ALWAYS ask questions if you don't know. If your dom punishes you and you ask them to explain why that particular punishment, and they assert any kind of dominance and avoid explaining, don't stand for it!

If they don't know why they're doing something. It shouldn't be done.

We grow as much as you grow in these dynamics.

The underlying truth. Dom's are the true submissive, because everything we do is for your pleasure. Even if that's punishing you. And YOU are always in control, you give us your power, you hand it over as a gift. If we don't respect it, take it back.

Please everyone, demand more from your Dom.

The fake doms ego will get in the way and they will crack it like a 6 year old "how dare you question me"

But us real ones can hack it. We ain't here because we want to be mean to people. We're here to facilitate development and growth.

Now read the title of this writing again.

These are just my thoughts. not everyone will agree and there is certainly some detail that deserves a much larger convo.

• Clyde