I appreciate this is a little unusual. I’m kind of looking for some advice, but equally just want to get my thoughts down somewhere.

Starting with some context:

Been married for 5 years, although periods have been better/worse, our sex life is pretty much non-existent.

I also recently told my partner about my submissive desires. Which I appreciate is insane given our situation, but at this point I have little to lose.

It actually resulted in a few half hearted sessions of tasks and earning orgasms, which I loved, but soon fizzled into nothingness (a common theme when it comes to our sex life).

However, the more I think about it, the more I think me being submissive could actually help our sex life massively.

One of her biggest blockers in sex is feeling pressured (due to past trauma). Her initial answer for this was for me to never ask for sex…which resulted in almost a year of no sex at all.

But a correct sub/domme relationship I think could benefit this. It would give her complete control and could even turn ‘unsexy’ rejection into ‘sexy’ denial and control.

One of the biggest issues with our initial run at this was a lack of rules. I admit I fucked it up. I requested sessions and made suggestions, I was basically domming myself for fear of it not happening.

So I’ve been doing a lot of research. I was recommended the book ‘Femdom for good girls’, which I am currently listening to and hoping to get her to listen to as well.

But two big challenges have become clear:

1. The book says that a sub should never request sexual interaction, which I understand, but we tried that in the past and it ended in zero interaction for a very long time
2. The book also says that the sub shouldn’t make suggestions, it is entirely up to the domme…which again I understand, but I am 99.9% that every session we do manage to have will result in me giving her a massage and then masturbating if I don’t make some suggestions of what else to do

Could anyone offer any advice?