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I thought for a long time to upload these thoughts/ this article to this subreddit. While I am sure people will see this partially as condescending, or a teaching, I am not here to teach you. It is mainly a personal insight on a theme I saw a lot of in the last few weeks.

“I don’t want my submissiveness.” “Can I forget my kinks/submissiveness?” “I feel shame for my submissiveness.”

It’s hurtful to see, ain’t it? But why do people want to lose their submissiveness? Well, I think it’s the stigma, and presumption of submissive people. A lot of people who are not in the kink or BDSM realm do think of submissive people as sort of more “inferior” people. Passive. Helpless.
I have done my research for quite some time to that theme. Don’t get me wrong, there are advocates who aren’t kinky!

The Oxford English Dictionary definition of submissive says: ready to conform to the authority or will of others; meekly obedient or passive. Passive? Are submissive passive?
For me, it took a long time to accept my submissiveness, because I thought it was wrong to be a feminist, a professional rowing athlete, and still submissive to men. But I started to realize in ways that my submissiveness is beneficial.

I give you an example: I have a will to please, not a people-pleaser; don’t get that wrong. For example, in training. The pleasure of giving the best in a training, from technique, or performance, got to the limits of what is possible to see that my trainer is pleased in a sense that having his work done correctly is indirectly fulfilling. I don’t actively achieve his pleasure, but indirect pleasure. In the end, I am doing sports because I want to do sports and not to please anyone. But there is always an indirect will to please.
But how did I get there? How can I talk freely about myself?
Well, my background is quite difficult. I don’t want to brag about difficulties because, in the end, mental health issues, or illness are not something to brag about!

I was severely bullied at a young age, and I am guessing that out of all that happened there, I developed a submissiveness. Likewise, I got in contact with BDSM at 13 years of age; yes, I was way too young. And sometimes I wish I hadn't gotten in contact with it that early. But at the end, it is what it is; I can't change the past, although I can accept the past.

I started to read myself into that theme at 15 years of age, and it took me two and a half years to see that it was neither something bad, nor something inferior. Rather, it is a competence to cherish. I have gotten into acceptance through reading and educating myself. I am still a lonely soul, and of the many people I have seen on Reddit, blogs, and social media in general, not many were athletes and submissive. I count four (with me), that actively say they have a submissive side or a tendency. Two on Reddit, one on another social network.
Acceptance starts in the deepest part of your soul. Do you accept yourself as a person without your submissiveness? That was the starting point of my journey. With 13, it was a no. When I was 14, a no. When I was 15, a no. With 16 and 17 as well. It took me five years to love my body for what it is. Sport helped me in that journey because I needed to realize I couldn't perform if I couldn't accept my capacity, which is my body.
How do we learn to accept our body? The first few years I just didn’t do anything, and comment on that, I was a kiddo. But with 15–17, it was mantras: standing naked in front of the mirror (I cried a lot while doing that, because I hated my body so severely), stopping weighting myself, stopping measuring myself, and eating with my family. (I ate too much for my age.)

A simple morning mantra, like: “I am amazing and unique; I love my body, and how it looks, I am unique because I was born this way.” Acceptance starts with our body, and consciousness.

Consciousness? Yes, consciousness. How do we think about ourselves, do we like what we see, do we like how we react, can we accept how we react. Am I in peace with me and my consciousness?

Yes, those questions are hard to answer, and I can’t give you an answer to that question because, in the end, you need to answer that for yourself. But I can tell you what helped me. I had severe self-confidence issues, and suicidal thoughts. Because of things I did, like chewing on my nails, or being too much in a room. The complexity of a confidence issues and suicidal thoughts is very difficult to understand. To this day, I don’t comprehend certain reactions; my mind has two certain things, but I started to accept we can’t change certain things.
For me, I started to write down my thoughts, not only in histories, but also in journals. Another part was sports to give my mind stability. I had an environment where I wasn’t being judged for who I am.

I do recommend professional help. Whether it is in the form of a mental trainer, or a psychologist, getting professional help is the best thing you can do. While my best friend got herself out through being in nature, and writing, drawing, and working. I needed help from the outside.

When we can accept ourselves afar from our submissiveness, we can also accept our submissiveness. Submissiveness is a personality part of us, and we can’t really change that. We can accept it, however.
I know the way is long, and I know that it takes time to see that a personality part is not something to feel shame about. But let me be really direct: it is the same as ignoring our personalities as a good listener, a hard worker, or an introvert/extrovert. Submissiveness is a part of our system, as is Dominance. Some may have this part; some may don’t.

Another example, not kink-related, is the past. I can be angry, and pissed at my past for having five mental health illnesses. Depression, anxiety, panic attacks, body dysmorphia, and a starting ED. And even the anxiety has arms in different directions. I could be angry and furious, but what would that change? Not really anything, except discontentment.

All we can do is accept it. And look forward to the future.
Speaking of which, what happens if we ignore it, and don’t try to accept our personality as a submissive?
Well, let me answer that question from my point of my view.
I know I was young, and don’t get me wrong, I am a young submissive. But I have learned a lot in these years, from fifteen to now. I hated my submissiveness and wanted to be dominant. What happened is that I had an existential crisis, hated myself, hated my mind, and had the beginning of suicidal thoughts again, because I dreamed of being submissive. I desired to being submissive, and yet I desperately wanted to be dominant because I thought it would make me inferior.

I had to learn that it was not something inferior. Submissiveness is something to cherish, and, for example, devotion comes from it too. We devote ourselves to a part, may it be sports, a job, or even taking care of people. While accepting this part of my personality might have been easier for me because I am doing sports at a high level and am successful. (Not to brag: Winter season: 6 tests, 3 first places, 3 second places.) This is a part where we can work on.

Moreover, so something that I've realized in the recent times is that there are a lot more successful people practicing this because always being in control is extremely stressful, and this is a relief, a lifestyle that helps them thrive.

Submissiveness is not inferior or passiveness or helplessness. Submissive people, in general, are strong. And sometimes even stronger than vanilla people. Just imagine, a Dominant person radiating pride for their submissive, when bringing home a success. Is it a good grade from college, where the dominant helped to reach, to a top result in sports, further to a CEO making a big success in money for the company? There is always a part that drives a submissive to make their Dominant proud. To see the Dominant happy for them.
Dominance and submissiveness complement each other; both are needed, and both should have a part in our society. And submissiveness is neither inferior nor weak. A Dominant is completed through their submissive. A submissive is completed through their Dominant.

This is not only sexual, as many connive it to be; it is an emotional, physical, and, in some cases, even a spiritual lifestyle all warped into one that helps both the submissive and the Dominant thrive. To become a better person, to challenge themselves every day, and to reach new heights. Every day, the intimacy, passion, discipline, and courage to be a submissive are like no other. If someone dares to even demure you for it, please give them a good punch, not only from you but also all the submissives that there are. You bet that punch would be powerful because we are way more powerful than our down-talkers, and anti-kink people.
Lots of love to all out there. And remember, you are stronger than you think.