Last year noong grade 12 pa 'ko sabi ko excited na 'ko mag-college, and now that I'm a college freshman I look back to what I said and HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

High school talaga ni-ro-romanticize pa yung magiging college life, ta's ngayon I'm so withered and didn't get to be as happy as I would expect in college. Noong high school ang fresh fresh at ang sarap sarap ko pa, ta's ngayon in-eyebags na, sabi ng blockmate ko ba't daw yung eyebags ko dalawa na nakapatong 😭 (although bumalik na ngayon sa dati mga mata ko), even they tell me na ibang-iba na yung hitsura ko sa HS pictures ko than my current self, and dati may mga nagkaka-crvsh pa sa'kin. And I'm not as "academically confident" as I were before. Dati galang-gala pa 'ko ta's nakakahinga pa, ngayon uwing-uwi na 'ko palagi at haggard na haggard. Nagka-identity crisis na rin ako dahil sa pagpunta ko sa Manila. Dagdag pa na hindi ko gustong school at program 'to.

Nag-glow down talaga ako at bumaba yung self-esteem ko, with a bit of anxiety as cherry on top. 'Di ko na rin masyadong tinitignan yung sarili ko sa salamin, I look so healthy before. I'm taking this holiday bakasyon as a time to heal, although healed and confident naman ako as a person all-in-all, bale minor healing lang naman, pero if gets niyo gets niyo 'yon na 'yon 😭

Noong grade 12 lang ang inaalala ko lang ay ang pagpasa ko sa mga schools na in-apply-an ko, romanticizing the college life that I awaited, and it was the opposite. Ganitong ganito rin yung kaklase ko noong SHS, patay na patay siyang makapasok ng UST and he would tell it to me many times, ta's ngayon na nakapasok na siya, nakita ko na lang sa FB Story niya na "kung aalis ba ko ng uste magiging masaya ako?" 😭 Like gurl SAAAAMMMEEEEEE

Nag-motor ako kanina dito lang sa baranggay namin para mag-reminisce, and I just miss the joy, freshness, and life I had before, now I'm withered and sad, na sa habang tumatagal ako sa kolehiyong ito nalulungkot talaga ako at 'di ako makahinga. I saw SHS students from my alma mater walking by, ta's ang saya-saya nila nagbubuhatan pa sila. I went to the places I go to and remember the memories I had there.

I went back to eat the favorites I had during SHS, like yung paresan sa tabi ng school namin, pero I don't know, the pares didn't taste like how I remember.

Just as much as I miss my old self is as much as I am thankful, and will still choose my current life because I'm growing better. Just as much as I reminisce the sparkles of my previous life, is as much as I embrace the beauty of moving on to each of our own paths. Alam kong walang naghihintay sa'kin sa nakaraan.